Psychologists have not been illuminating the best knowledge concerning the psyche. by Michaelson/Bigstock.com
Psychologists are failing to identify and teach the essential
truths of psychology, the basics that help us to minimize emotional suffering. Experts
on the subject of the mind can't make up their minds about their profession's most
important knowledge. They are too invested emotionally in their own pet
theories as they battle one another on the field of competing ideas.
Of course, our mind can't be expected to produce or
assimilate absolute truth about the
human condition. We usually settle for practical
truth, which is the best approximation of reality that our experience,
intelligence, and soul-searching identify from among competing ideas. Ideally, learned
experts would have produced by now a consensus of the best psychological
knowledge. Yet consensus has not occurred in the field of psychology. Scholars,
academics, and researchers are blinded by the radiance of their own ideas,
while essential truths float by invisible to the people.
Three psychological discoveries by Sigmund Freud deserve
to be identified as essential facts or practical truths. These discoveries revealed
the existence in our psyche of the dynamics of transference, projection, and
identification. In psychological circles, these dynamics or processes are identified
only as psychoanalytic concepts. Yet
millions of people suffer unnecessarily because they are ignorant of these inner
processes. The knowledge needs to be well taught in our schools so it can begin
to benefit individuals and society.
Let's start by explaining transference. It is most
helpful to understand this process through the idea of negative transference because this is how the suffering is
experienced. Negative transference occurs when one individual (Jim) senses or
believes that another person (Jane) is directing negative emotions such as criticism,
disapproval, disappointment, or rejection toward him, even when that impression
does not correspond with her actual feelings or behavior. In other words, Jane
could be quite neutral in her feelings and thoughts about Jim, yet he still
"reads" a negative intention from her. Jim is transferring on to Jane some
unresolved emotions from his own past concerning feelings of being criticized,
rejected, and so on. Because these negative emotions are unresolved in Jim, he
is interested unconsciously in recreating and recycling them. Hence, he
transfers on to others the expectation that they are "transmitting" (or will
transmit) these negative emotions toward him. Convinced that his "readings" of
the situation are objective and accurate, Jim consequently regards others with
less trust and openness. He also suffers unnecessarily because he is "taking
on" negative impressions that are not justified by actual circumstances. This
is the inner process behind the problem of being emotionally "thin-skinned."
As the saying goes, men "marry" their mothers, while
women "marry" their fathers. This happens, in part, because of this unconscious
propensity to repeat with our partners--through transference--the old unresolved
emotions that we experienced with our parents, siblings, and caretakers.
While transference is about what we feel coming at us
from others, the second process, projection, is about what we feel as we
project our own impressions on to others. An individual (Larry) "sees" a defect
or weakness in someone else (Judy) that upsets or annoys him. If Larry's
negative feelings about Judy's alleged defect are intense enough, he might
overlook her good qualities and be cold and distant toward her. Unconsciously,
Larry is disapproving or critical of himself for having a similar weakness. (Frequently,
this weakness involves a person's emotional entanglement in self-doubt and
other variations of passivity.) Larry's defense could be saying, "I'm not the
one who is passive--she is!" He is defending against his inner critic's or
superego's disapproval of his inner weakness. As he deflects the inner
criticism outwardly toward Judy, he can feel toward her a negative intensity
that is the equivalent of the negative aggression coming at him from his inner
critic. When he understands this dynamic, he can turn inward with the power of
insight, learning to deflect his inner critic's unwarranted harassment and
illegitimate authority. (See " The
Tyrant that Rules Our Inner Life ".) Projection, which often leads to
personality clashes, has many variations, and the Wikipedia article
on the subject is enlightening.
The last process, identification, can be understood as
the unconscious tendency or temptation to identify with what another person is
feeling (or what we imagine the other person is feeling), regardless of whether
that's a positive or negative feeling. Positive identification is usually
harmless, yet consciousness of the process is still important because young
people, as an example, can identify--in a way that feels positive to them--with
unsavory influences or characters. Identification is usually most troublesome
when it is negative. For instance, a father (Sam) identifies strongly with his
son (Tom) when the boy plays badly on the golf course. Both Sam and Tom have
unresolved issues with feelings of being seen in a negative light and being a
disappointment. These unresolved issues sabotage Tom when he attempts to
perform well, and his father unconsciously can't resist getting "hit up" with
this negative feeling and resonating with it as he sees his son struggling. If
Sam understands his identification with his son, he can refrain from getting
triggered, and he can have a better chance of helping Tom son settle down emotionally
and avoid self-sabotage.
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