Article: The Real Secret

I would love nothing more than to wholeheartedly believe in the full-blown metaphysical, quantum physics, you-make-your-own-reality concept. And I've tried it, I really have. And while I do believe that the Spirit World is our true home and that in the larger sense of the universe almost anything is possible, the sad fact is, this is planet earth. And this being planet earth, you cannot really believe that "The Secret" is the actual secret or that the people who actually know the secret would give that secret away in something called "The Secret" do you?

You can wish all day and send the very best positive thoughts and energy to winning the lotto, but the odds will still be astronomical and in reality some foreigner passing through town will buy the winning ticket and someday cut you off on the road in his new friggin' Ferrari after buying the house you've dreamt of owning that you pass every day on the way to your crappy low-wage, slave-labor job at Wal-Mart.

By the same token you can exercise and eat all the right foods and believe with all your might that you are as healthy as an Olympic athlete and send yourself all the positive vibrations you want. And you can hope and pray all day that your healthcare is adequate, especially since you've been faithfully paying your premiums for years. Premiums, mind you, that if they were depicted by a graph of increase over time, would best be represented by inflating a helium balloon from a 3000psi tank, then letting it go. In the end the result will be the same whatever you got, it ain't covered, CEO needs a new yacht, ka-ching, thank you very much.

So, now that I made my point I suspect you want me to get to the real secret.

Well, here it is:

The real secret on planet earth is actually two-fold. The first part is to not give a sh*t. The all-important second part, however the real secret is to be proactive in not giving a sh*t!

Want to win the lotto?

Just get it straight in your head and believe it that you don't want to win the lotto.

Just think of the incredible hassles lotto winners have. Newfound financial freedom is like a child with a gun! Think of the relatives that will not leave you alone. And no matter how generous you are it will not be nearly enough, you're a millionaire for Christ sake, you can afford it! And you think telemarketers bother you now? Wait till you have a cell phone account with every service provider and unlimited minutes on all of them. Plus, most people can't balance one checking account, much less six of them, and each with hundreds of thousands in them. Figure in the online security and multiple passwords you have to remember, or write down, causing more security problems and you cannot imagine the headaches. Why do you think famous young actors do so many drugs? You think the number of premium cable stations is too many entertainment choices already? Just imagine having cable, satellite, TiVo, DVD and Blu-ray and trying to figure out how to switch back and forth between them. And, my God, one computer crashing constantly is enough, but five of them will make you a serial killer.

Just believe in your heart that winning the lotto will mess up your life and the bigger the prize the more your life would be messed up! And then, my friends, buy yourself a friggin' ticket. And don't even look at the numbers or the drawing, just show up wherever they hand out the prize on the morning after they select the numbers and present the winning ticket.

Want to live a long life?

Have a death wish!

I don't mean some kind of average, hey this sh*t sucks I wish I was dead, kind of thing. I mean a full-on death wish. While driving, everywhere you go, imagine that for no reason your car skids, flips and rolls seventeen times, crushing your body until it is so unrecognizable that McDonald's buys it and serves it as Grade A beef in a Big Mac. It would add some irony and great amusement if you are a man over six-feet tall or you're obese and your name is actually Mac.

Shower and blow-dry your hair at the same time. Buy the cheap, expired, dented, two-for-one canned foods. Sky dive blindfolded. None of it will matter.

Everywhere you go, everything you encounter, whatever you see and touch, just think it could be the last thing you do. Just believe that every drink, every bite of food, every swallow is your last. Just put it in your mind that every moment is the absolute final second of your life on this planet.

While not thinking about it, or rather, by proactively thinking against it, you will actually be working with the pervasive energy of the horrendously twisted existence we inhabit. Up is down; down is up; right is wrong; wrong is right; greed is good; stupid is smart; lies are truth. Believe it. Your subconscious will get it. And you can rest assured that by practicing this method you will be the luckiest and most prosperous person the world has ever seen. You will live to break records for living. You will build superhuman resistance to poisons and electrocution that will astound the medical community. You will be the oldest multiple lottery winning, numerous near-fatal car accident and safes falling out of windows surviving human in history until they change the Guinness book of records to your name.

That's how planet earth works! That's the Real Secret.