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Foolproof Analytical Prognostication

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Frank Silva
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What we do is build an analytic model using members of the United States Senate, the top ten most prominent corporate CEOs, especially of Goldman Sachs and the Chairman of the Federal Reserve. We add Dick Cheney, the Bush family, Nancy Pelosi, the Clintons and Rupert Murdoch.

Then what we do is monitor their financial transactions, stock market activity and what real estate they buy and sell. If we pay close attention we would probably see a pattern revealing similar stock portfolio activity and similar real estate sales, especially in particular geographic regions or cities, indicating which of those areas are most vulnerable. But that's not all; those are just some relevant indicators.

Even more telling, the lynchpin of the method, would be to chart which of their properties in certain urban areas, like, say, New York City, that they purchase new insurance policies for, have ridiculously outlandish payoffs on claims. We can then analyze those insurance contracts and in addition to the standard fire, flood, etc., single out the policies that have riders that specifically include, for example, triple payoffs for total destruction or significant loss of business or diminished profits due to something that could only occur with odds of one in, say, fifty billion, like, using our example, infestation of genetically modified carnivorous killer squirrels.

Then we can use that information to prevent the devastating "infestation of genetically modified carnivorous killer squirrels" and initiate an investigation to uncover the masterminds of this diabolical plan, so that we can blame, like, France, while tying their evil plan to someplace we can get away with bombing, like Syria or some other small defenseless country. If done right it could even be a country that has something we need.

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Frank Silva speaks truth to power. A recovering Catholic, he is a member of his own Church, The Seventh-Day Pagans of the Church of the Latter Day Heathens. He is a former high school teacher with a Master's Degree from a University that cost (more...)
 

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