Hades (PNN) - Famed Biblical seductress and political operative Jezebel has called Ann Coulter "classless and shameless. " In an exclusive interview from hell with Psychic News Network, Jezebel channeled that based upon the behavior of Coulter, Jezebel is appealing to God for a new trial to reconsider her sentence of eternal damnation. "What I did is nothing compared to this Coulter chic, " said Jezebel. "Why should I be burning in hell while this Coulter witch is getting rich? Give me a break. "
Jezebel continued channeling that "Are all the talents you need to enchant America blond hair, a big mouth and a tight-ass black dress showing copious Christian cleavage with a cross pointing down to the bare valley of skin between twin mounds of calvary? Not to mention that Coulter is so skinny that she looks like a girlie-boy in drag. If America is that much of an easy mark, and if Coulter is able to get away with all her seductions and teasing while I 'm doing hot time for the little itsy-bitty infractions I mistakenly made, it 's just not fair and God needs to do something about it right away. "
Speaking on the behalf of the International Union of Femme Fatales, Floozies, Hellcats, Hussies, Manipulators, Provocateurs, Sirens, Temptresses and Vixens, Jezebel said that hell had plenty of women who had done far less mischief and damage than Coulter. She added that it was time that God made amends. "Maybe God was still young and still learning how to manage his temper. Now that God has grown older, and obviously far more patient and tolerant, maybe he will give us some reprieve and let us out on time already served. "
"Listen, " Jezebel channeled. "All I ever did was try to get my husband, King Ahab, a Hebrew, to accept my Phoenician religion. And I tried to help Ahab run the government. Is it my fault his people got jealous and accused me of introducing tyranny into Israel? Besides, if I hadn 't introduced it, someone else would have. So what if I instigated the killing of a few prophets? They were all liberals! Did I deserve to be killed, thrown out the window, eaten by dogs and cast into hell? I tell you that I don 't begin to compare with Coulter. "
Jezebel claimed during the channeling that Coulter 's treachery was far more dangerous to America than her intrigues had been to ancient Israel. "Conning ancient Israel was nothing compared to the scam that skinny broad is pulling on America. I never helped Israel get in a cutthroat mess like Coulter helped America get in with Iraq. When I cast my spells, I didn 't have television and radio to help me entrance an entire nation. Nor did I invoke the name of Jesus to get people to go to war and mistreat the poor. I 'm not the one who used the name of Jesus to promote bigotry and hate. "
Jezebel admitted that experiencing hell firsthand has radically changed her perspective. She even went so far as to quote the book of Revelation when it said that "You suffer that woman Jezebel, which calls herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants . . . " Jezebel explained that "Coulter is the one who claims she is a prophetess and has all the answers while all the time the seducing the innocent with the allure of her bullshit. I tell you, in the good old days, God wouldn 't have put up with this sh*t for very long without at least letting loose a few lightning bolts. "
Delilah said that while she had only been the cause of Samson being blinded that Coulter was trying to blind an entire nation. "Who 's more dangerous? " rhetorically asked Delilah. "Me, who takes down one man by making him blind, or Coulter, who takes down a whole nation by blinding them with ignorance and blind passions? "
Jezebel said that all the bad girls of the Bible didn 't add up to one Coulter and that it wasn 't fair for them to be burning in hell for doing a lot less while Coulter was living it up on earth as if she was in heaven. "If God wants to be fair, then something needs to be done about Coulter, " Jezebel said. "Everyday that God lets her keep on stoking the flames of hell on earth is only lending credence to our claims that God isn 't being fair. God needs to do something about her soon and brand her name forever for being far more wicked than poor old Jezebel, Salome and Delilah ever were. "