All American progressives should unite for Augusto Pinochet. Sure, I know so many of you incredibly busy with the urgent task of pretending that a certain multi-racial motivational speaker is Frederick Douglass reincarnated...but, trust me, Augusto Pinochet (a.k.a. "A-Pin") is the real deal.
*Barack Hussein Obama (BHO) sez: "It took a lot of blood, sweat and tears to get to where we are today." *A-Pin kicks BHO's ass with this: "Sometimes democracy must be bathed in blood."
I doubt even John McCain (Johnny Mac) is willing to go that far...but A-Pin is down with his American history. None other than the Notorious T-Jeff started things off way back when with this: "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."
Speaking of trees, A-Pin flaunted his green credentials when he told the people of Chile: "Not a single leaf moves in this country if I'm not the one moving it." (If that truth ain't inconvenient, well...Al Gore didn't serve endangered Chilean Sea Bass at his daughter's wedding.)
What I'm proposing a vast grassroots movement including all those wise and powerful left wing veterans who have done such a great job rescuing the country with their efforts so far. (Not to mention, I smell fabulous cover stories for The Nation, Mother Jones, and The Progressive.) Let's start with a big rally—you know, the kind that always result in serious and immediate social change. We'll invite Susan Sarandon to add star power, Al Sharpton to talk very loudly, and Patti Smith to lead the closing "People Have the Power" singalong.
From there, Sean Penn might publish one of his infamous and effective "open letters," United for Peace & Justice and International ANSWER could mobilize millions to take things to a subversive new level by holding hands across the nation while chanting for A-Pin, and let's ask Michael Moore—thanks to his films, America is free of gun violence, Bush was impeached, and the US health care system is totally fair and equitable—to make one of his influential movies about our new progressive hero. Who better to help spread the word about Liberal Nation's newest objective: electing Augusto Pinochet to transform our country into the Daily (Kos) Planet?
A-Pin's got all that pretty BHO talk down: "I shelter in my heart the firm hope that our divisions and pains of the past will be overcome, and we will set our sight in the future, for the sake of the new generations."
A-Pin's unafraid to rage against the machine: "We are fighting against a system, but we're doing okay."
A-Pin's honest: "I have always been an honest man."
A-Pin is damn funny: "I'm not a dictator. It's just that I have a grumpy face."
Then again, A-Pin is dead (but that hasn't seemed to slow down Johnny Mac for the past few years). Thus, if you hardcore revolutionaries are overly concerned about the whole "death thing," I'm working on some back-up plans: Radicals for Rumsfeld, Hell-Raisers for Hannity, Nonconformists for Netanyahu, Militants for McCain, etc. (Any suggestions?)
No matter which "sudden and unexpected new movement" the Progressive Posse wishes to foment, remember: this is "just what America needs" in order for all of us proud dissidents to announce on only the biggest subversive sites—from A(rianna) to Z(Net)—that indeed the "future has arrived."
So please, my seditious siblings, let's pool our efforts to make it happen. Let's give ourselves the chance to see someone like A-Pin sworn into our nation's highest office so we can let out a collective sigh and howl: "Mission accomplished..."
Who's with me?
Mickey Z. is the author of the forthcoming novel, CPR for Dummies (Raw Dog Screaming Press), and can be found on the Web at http://www.mickeyz.net.