The resulting tsunami and subsequent impact winter, so goes the theory, wiped out 50-80% of all plants and animals-including a flourishing species at the pinnacle of the food chain: Dinosaurs. The sudden absence of massive reptilian predators allowed for the eventual emergence of a little something I like to call "Homo sapiens." (That's us, for those of you scoring at home.) In other words, if you agree than we humans have not exactly been the most responsible species, well, there's a giant comet to blame.
I know what some of you are thinking: Surely, Mickey Z., humans aren't as dangerous as a T. Rex, right? To them, I ask: In all the millions of years dinosaurs roamed this planet, did any of them feel the need to invent, say, nuclear weapons? Is there a single stegosaurus responsible for conducting secret nuclear experiments on its own species? Nope, it took humanity to think up an idea like this:
Shortly after the nuking of civilians at Hiroshima and Nagasaki, U.S. researchers set about, at any cost, to discern the effects of plutonium on the human body. "There were two kinds of experiments," says Peter Montague, director of the Environmental Research Foundation. "In one kind, specific small groups (African-American prisoners, mentally retarded children, and others) were induced, by money or by verbal subterfuge, to submit to irradiation of one kind or another. In all, some 800 individuals participated in these 'guinea pig' trials. In the second kind, large civilian populations were exposed to intentional releases of radioactive isotopes into the atmosphere."
Even today's "monsters" are far less harmful than we "intelligent" humans. No great white shark created pesticides, napalm, Agent Orange, or the internal combustion engine; you can't blame cigarettes, greenhouse gases, hydroelectric dams, or mercury-laced vaccinations on a pit bull; and rest assured no non-human conjured up zoos, animal experimentation. or the circus.
Clearly, if Homo sapiens have put all earthly life at risk, there's only direction in which to aim the accusing finger of culpability. In your next moment of human-induced fury, frustration, commiseration, or despair, endeavor a fresh perspective and blame it on the comet.