By Bernard Weiner, The Crisis Papers
Satire is getting harder and harder to recognize. Just think how many times lately you've come across a news story and said to yourself: "That couldn't be true; it must be a joke." The real news too often is just as scarily ridiculous as the faux news Jon Stewart "reports" on The Daily Show.
With that in mind, and to demonstrate the point, I've put together a bunch of short news items. See if you can identify which ones are made up and which are real. (Answers below.)
1. Election officials from around the U.S., citing the money that could be saved and bowing to the desire of more and more states to be the first in the nation to get voters to the polls, have ruled that the first primary for 2112 will take place in all 50 states during the 2008 election.
"It was easy to see which way the 'we're-first' primary wind was blowing," said a statement from the Association of Secretaries of State, "so it seemed to make more sense to combine the two elections, and save the voters the torture of having to go through four years of non-stop campaigning by taking care of the situation now. Of course, we do realize that by taking this step, the campaign for 2116 most likely will begin in November 2008."
2. Florida State Representative Bob Allen (Republican), who is white, explained his arrest for solicitation for sex by saying he was so frightened by all the black males in and around the men's room in a Titusville park that he thought the best course of action for his continued survival was to offer the black guy whose stall he entered $20 for a blow-job.
3. By a vote of 400 to 35, Congress has created an independent, bipartisan Truth & Reconciliation Commission with regard to the Iraq War. According to the bill, Administration officials will be granted amnesty for their crimes as long as they provide a complete and honest recitation of their part in getting the United States into the war and their knowledge and role during the occupation. Those who choose not to appear, or who perjure themselves before the Commission, could be tried before criminal and international war crimes courts. Agreeing to co-chair the Commission are former South African leaders President Nelson Mandela and Bishop Desmond Tutu.
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