Article: A Bush Christmas Carol

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Bush Sr.: Son, I have finally understand that rampant greed is a sin.

Bush Jr.: But I listen to a higher father who says greed is a virtue.

Bush Sr.: No, no, no! My lifetime has shown me that limitless avarice necessitates lying to the American people, which is contemptible and unpatriotic.

Bush Jr.: But my higher father says the end justifies any means.

Bush Sr.: And just what is your end in Iraq?

Bush Jr.: Iraq (and I can't understand why you don't already know this) is a Christian Crusade to kill off all the Muslims . . . and appropriate their godless oil in the process.

Bush Sr.: But what about all those Iraqi children.

Bush Jr.: "Collateral damage". Yawn.

Bush Sr.: But what about all our young soldiers who are being massacred at ever greater rates.

Bush Jr.: You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs. Yawn.

Bush Sr.: Tell me son, just between you and me, you don't REALLY believe in all that Armageddon crap, do you? You know, the Baptist Big Bang.

Bush Jr.: Get thee behind me Satan!

Bush Sr.: Hmmm. Son, how many fingers am I holding up?

Bush Jr.: Uh . . .

Bush Sr.: Well, let me try a different tack. You know your clerk Bob Cratchit is virtually your slave. Doesn't that bother you?

Bush Jr.: Is that his name? I just thought he was subhuman centrist, and who better to clean out my commode?

Bush Sr.: I now doubt if this will go very far, but did you know he has a crippled child, Tiny Tim, who is almost certainly going to die fairly quickly if he doesn't receive some medical help, such as from embryonic stem cell research.

Bush Jr.: Tiny Tim, huh? Is he a Palestinian?

Bush Sr.: No, he's just a little boy without political connections.

Bush Jr.: Sounds like a Palestinian to me.

Bush Sr.: Sigh! Georgie, I was going to send you 3 spirits tonight. I thought they might help you to avoid the abyss, but now I realize it would be a absurd waste of their time.

Bush Jr.: Are they white?

Bush Sr.: Goodnight Georgie . . . and good luck America!

Bush Jr.: Jeez, creeping Alzheimer's'.

Tiny Tim: God bless us all every one.

God: . . . get serious.

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W. Christopher Epler (Bill)