Suddenly I was spinning. Not so much out of control but just unaccustomed to the floating free feeling. I noticed two little points of light that seemed constant and familiar. Then as if by a wish I floated to the points and tried to peer out. I was unable to just peer out of only one. Then just like that I was somehow seeing one image by looking out of both windows at the same time. The mystery was how I was seeing one image clearly when looking through two windows. As I was trying to focus, understand and acclimate, I was distracted by this clamoring just behind me at the windows. I recognized the clamoring as an incessant monologue chirping along mechanically. Like a loop tape advertising something at a carnival. Somehow at this moment I lost interest and the clamoring grew faint and at the same time the windows suddenly just opened wider to a 360 degree vista and the darkness dissipated and I was not so much looking at, but rather immersed in this lightning show of the most soothing, electronic like wonder. A living energy. I wanted more and then the lightning slowed down and appeared to be shooting stars intersecting and weaving. Then as if by a silent command the scene intelligized. I was seeing the waves coming to my viewpoint and entering me. The waves brought with them a music. Then I realized that I wasn't perceiving as such, Instead I was the light show and music. The duality of Perceiver and perceived melted into one pool of luminescent, living substance. For fun I jumped on one of the singing shooting stars and felt myself accelerate and yet still stationary as part of that rainbow of sound and beauty. I was happy. I was home. I knew the answer to how I could be here and everywhere at once. Yet,,
Suddenly, The clamoring monologue was back behind me again and I was restricted to looking out my windows. But This time the incessant, loopy tapes were angry and demanding. The Rainbow of lights and sound faded and there I was in my chair. My leg was asleep and I needed to move it. Feeling not so much groggy, but aloof, I somehow moved my leg. And upon moving, I felt grounded. The monologue, which never had stopped, was now slowly stealing my attention and regaining it's presumed prominence. Soon I was helplessly staring out of my eyes. But for just a second I felt surrounded by my fellows, talking boxes and screens and from them I saw the tentacles strangling my rainbow and shutting off my music. I saw the stimulus response trap I had mistaken for the real me. I for that brief transitional second saw the tentacles delivering a poison to the carnival. This poison had the effect of making me forget the rainbows and turning me strangely numb. I again felt separate and single. Whole? No, not this time. Yet there I was and looking at my friends, TV, computer, books and the sights, sounds and feel of my familiar and dutifully absorbing the content. But something has changed in me. Awareness.
Awareness that awareness is artificially limited. We are self trapped prisoners. The key to that prison door is renouncing the absolute certainty of your, given to you, description of the world. Now I feel as though the world can be reduced and held in the palm of my hand. After all, It's just a consensus to a description. No, I am not alone or special. Before I was re-poisoned I caught a glimpse of the same shimmering rainbow universal, singing in all creatures. In all things. But drowned out by the carnival noise and neon of our installed dream. I now have added new dreams. But only new to me as these dreams are timeless and are and have been accessible to all. And these dreams are the existential actuality. So, maybe someday creatures will turn away from the installed and limiting ephemeral.Or better yet, learn to live without it and then find their way past the carnival and stay in the splendor and beauty of the timeless, spaceless, limitless energy of the real dream.
