Who Really Remembers If You Outed A Spy? - In their closing arguments, Lewis "Scooter" Libby defense attorneys employed the rarely used, "he didn't lie...he just forgot" defense. "Who knows when anyone is lying or forgetting," said Libby attorney, Slick McLielikeamother. "Certainly not a jury. Really. Even if they do find our client guilty, how do we know if they're lying about the conviction or just forgot to find him innocent?" Children all over the world cheered the defense's strategy.
It Won't Be Their Fault - Democrats signaled a new approach to governing this week with their attempt to pass a nonbinding resolution responding to the President's Iraq surge. "Placing the blame but not taking the responsibility serves the greater purpose," said Majority leader Nancy Pelosi (D, CA). "This way, if we're right, we have proof we said so. If we're wrong, no one got hurt."
Turning Lemons Into...More Lemons - White House spokesman, Tony Snow, said that the pull out of Great Britain's troops from Iraq while the U.S. was sending in more troops was actually a sign of progress for the coalition's efforts. Snow added that patients with profuse hemorrhaging from a gun shot wound provide young emergency ward interns with some much-needed experience.
Pull Out Add - Prime Minister Tony Blair said that the draw down of troops was not necessarily a lessening of an English presence in Iraq. "With the dispatch of Prince Harry into the fight, just the tabloid
paparazzi alone you'll have more English than you can shake a stick at."
If Only This DreamWorks - Hillary Clinton (D, NY) and Barack Obama (D, Ill) are now getting behind the idea of fighting a war...with each other. The battle begun with zillionaire warmonger, David Geffen, (D-reamworks, CA), reference Clinton Iraq War vote, that Clinton was incapable of admitting a mistake. The Clinton campaign searching for something that the seemingly impenetrable Obama had mishandled, sent out a release
saying that Barack "had no experience dealing with lapses in good judgement which he will need as President."
Hillary Add - Clinton's people also shot back at the entire field of Democratic Presidential hopefuls. "You have no idea how many toilet seats are being left up during the campaign," mumbled James Carville. "Call it oversight by the rest of the candidates if you want, but in a matter of speaking, the writing is on the floor. And sometimes in the snow."
Bring Protection, Johnnie Mac - This week, Presidential candidate, John McCain (R, Ariz), said that former Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, "...will go down as one of the worst secretaries of defense in history." Last month McCain said (The President) was very badly served by both the vice president and, most of all, the secretary of defense." Vice-President Cheney said that he and Rumsfeld still considered McCain a
good friend and, in fact, they have invited the Arizona senator to go duck hunting with them any day now. McCain apologized for badmouthing anything Republican, then immediately apologized for apologizing.
Tonight's The Nioght? - With nominations for an Academy Award, Nobel Prize, Grammy and People's Choice Award, Al Gore is bringing his "Inconvenient Truth" documentary to Broadway as a musical where he will star. "I ain't given up till I get that Tony," said the versatile performer as he rubbed his head with one hand and rubbed his stomach with the other...at the same time!
Oh, You Mean It Was Wrong - Poverty-stricken, disabled, hospital patients are hailing California and Los Angeles officials' proposed legislation making it a crime to dump poverty-stricken, disabled, hospital patients on the streets. "Thankfully someone finally pointed out that dumping poverty-stricken, disabled, hospital patients on the streets was a bad thing," said a Kaiser Hospital spokesperson. "And just as soon as the law
is passed, we can finally stop doing it."
Weekend at Anna Nicole's - With a Florida court not allowing not the body of Anna Nicole Smith, former Senate Majority Leader, Dr. Bill First, stepped forward to give his professional opinion. "After seeing a video
of the autopsy, I believe the Florida coroner had erred in declaring Ms. Smith to be in a constant death state," said the Senator Heart Surgeon. "And remind me again, why aren't I capable of running for President?"
Not The Least Bit Funny - Reports out of Washington's Walter Reed Veterans Hospital say that out-patient veterans are being warehoused in rat and roach-infested rooms, some of which are coated in black mold unfit for human habitation. No word on how the "Support Our Troops" White House, Republican Congress and Senate who regularly cut Veteran benefits and make their photo-op visits to the hospital could have missed it."
Steve Young is the author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" and http://www2.dailynews.com/steveyoung">his column appears in the LA Daily News Sunday Opinion page...to the left of O'Reilly's...really. And if you want to overdose on Steve, click here for :Steve's Latest Blatant Infomercial.v=eOQzt0ZPTAs">Steve's Latest Blatant Infomercial.