For the attention of the following in alphabetical order.
Nader, Ralph; Paul, Ronald.
Gentlemen, in the absence of other initiative, in the name of the American people you are hereby drafted and ordered to present yourselves at the front door of The White House at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, DC 20500, at 8.00 o'clock sharp tomorrow morning, Saturday 27th. September, 2008, for the purpose of taking command of The United States of America in the office of Joint Presidents. Your deputy will be named for you in due course.
You are to undertake the revision of the hierarchical system of command of American Administration forthwith, deposing and placing in confinement incommunicado the present incumbents therein and their advisory personnel without exception.
You will then cancel the proposed rescue of the miscreants who have caused the recent economic chaos, said miscreants to be arrested and held for further processing without possibility of bail.
You are directed to cease hostilities in others' criminal wars undertaken in the name of the American people, to order the immediate withdrawal of our troops from all foreign bases, and to dismantle and repatriate any and all of our missiles on foreign soil. All interference in the good governance of other countries is to cease immediately, and the FBI is to disarm and demobilize the CIA and Blackwater mercenary organizations.
You are to shut forever The Federal Reserve without further notice, and to disbar from any financial transaction under penalty of immediate incarceration all those presently involved in making money from money by means of investment or financial manipulation. The value and interest game is over forever.
You are to halt any further financial or military aid to present heads of other countries, and in particular to require repayment of previous loans to the minuscule state of scatalogical character which has so misused such previous extractions, and to require repayment of all funds stolen from our nation by criminals of that enclave such as Zackheim and the rest of the international thieves. Our domestic long range missiles are to be redirected in order to effect these measures and to deter delay in carrying out their requirements.
All members of Senate and Congress are to be held without possibility of legal redress until their blamelessness in the disastrous deterioration of the condition of our nation can be assessed. Similarly all lobbyists are to be apprehended on the grounds of bribing public servants. All such prisoners will be charged at market rates for food and accommodation, the results to be restored to the public purse. In the case of any scarcity of accommodation, you may consider the use of the nearest FEMA camps.
Replacement of the Representatives and Congressmen will follow on Monday by drafting any compos mentis passers-by in towns and cities drawn by lot across the various States, and they are to be regulated by the same terms as those governing your goodselves.
All members of the Bilderberg Gang and their accomplices past and present, without exception unless no longer living, are to be placed in restrictive custody until further notice, and Great Britain and France be requested to apprehend their paymasters resident there.
Should you possibly consider law rather than handy rope or quick bullet as treatment suitable for those being held, we would recommend delay in their processing until our legal system has been purged of political preference.
Further, all aspects of the American media and publishing entities, particularly those of educational materials, are to be put under your personal control and scoured of any external influence or degrading content, and are to resume their purpose of impartial information, education and moral edification.
This program so far should take you until coffee break.
Your further orders will proceed in good time for your implementation thereafter. As this will include scrupulous investigation of 9-11 and the Gulf of Tonkin, Pearl Harbor, Lusitania and other such incidents and examination of those who really motivated them and their real reasons, plus joining the International Court of Justice and a request for the extradition and deportation there of those leaders from here and around the world provably corrupted by their acceptance of loan guarantees emanating from The Federal Reserve, all to be completed before teatime, you had better keep your international lines of communication open and their operators on their toes.
Gentlemen, you are advised that your effective tenure of office will last for so long as you act for the general good of both this country and the rest of the world, but not one minute longer. You are reminded that we have our eye on you at all times, and that untoward benefit from your office will be seriously and permanently injurious to health.