Indentured Student - Cartoon by DonkeyHotey
Let's be honest, it isn't easy being a full time student. Upon graduation, we suffer from thousands of dollars in debt because of the amount of loans we have to take out in order to pay for all four years of our final bits of education. The obligation to pay off these loans sometimes forces you to juggle a night job while attending class from dusk until dawn. Sure, you have time to study and do homework on the drive from work to school then back again. Right? Wrong. Why hasn't anyone ever thought of an alternative to this debt problem? Think about it for a second. People who have barely gotten a taste of the real world are loaned a lump sum of cash with the intentions that they will put this money directly into payments for tuition. Once they graduate, with or without a job, they are expected to magically pay this all off. Are you crazy? Have you taken a look at this economy? What is wrong with you?
So here is my proposal. If you are going to make students take on all of those loans, you might as well make child sweatshops legal. Make us work it all off gradually from birth. I can sew. I am a quick learner. Cut me some slack. After all, I did make it to college. We can choose to pay off the debt in the near future when we are trying to buy our first car, get married, buy a home, and start a family. Or we can start by making clothes after our eighth birthday. It is actually an incredibly smart idea. I don't know why it hasn't been thought of before. I told you, it"s because I am in college. Unfortunately, I won't have the privilege of paying for my tuition before I even graduate from high school. Instead I have to deal with it the "old-fashioned" way. People have told me that you should never accumulate more money in student debt than you plan on making with your future job occupation. There are a few things wrong with what these people have been telling us. First, I would like to point out that the chances of my graduating with less than $60,000 in debt is slim to none. With that being said, I plan on being a millionaire. This brings me to my second point: Starting salaries in almost any job average at $45,000/year according to Forbes magazine. How do you expect me to pay this off? How am I supposed to be a millionaire when I am stuck spending the second half of my life paying off college loans instead of saving my money until I see my bank account reach one million dollars. You don't know? Well I do, and the answer lies with your inner child.
Imagine yourself at the brisk young age of eight. Ladies, you are suddenly interested in fashion and boys. Gentlemen, you no longer have cooties and want to be stylish among those pretty young things. Now imagine yourself at a sweat shop. You are able to work amongst the people you suddenly find attractive. You get to make the clothes that you will all swoon over one another in. The cherry on top of that colossal sundae is that you will enjoy these perks while paying off your college debt. Say goodbye to holding off on buying a house and starting a family because you and your husband or wife are swimming in college debt. So long to the thought of dropping out of college because you cannot successfully work and go to school at the same time. If you take my advice, future students won't have to suffer the way me and millions of other students have to. You can thank me later.
I should get a Nobel Prize for coming up with this. I could prevent so many people from getting into debt when they are only twenty years old like me. I am a genius. Who cares if the kid gets tired and overworked. That kid is working for their future. Literally! They can take some aspirin and down it with a shot of whiskey, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it. No pain, no gain! We are weak, and we need to be strong. We can be strong by fueling the weak with empowerment. My mom always told me that you never know what true success is without having to work long and hard for it. That is exactly what a sweatshop is. It is a place where people work long and hard for hours on end to satisfy peoples needs. By reenacting child sweatshops, they are simultaneously satisfying their own needs with the needs of others!Everyone has to cross a few bumps in the road to become successful. Cramped quarters and long hours with little pay? I see no problem here. The problem is that we haven't tried it yet.