Send a Tweet
Most Popular Choices
Share on Facebook 1 Share on Twitter Printer Friendly Page More Sharing
Life Arts   

God: "That Touchdown Jesus Thing Was Hideous"

By       (Page 1 of 2 pages)     (# of views)   5 comments

(Image by Unknown Owner)   Details   DMCA


I was given the assignment of calling God for His comment on the Touchdown Jesus story. I'm expecting it to take weeks, maybe months, because that's how it always works with Him. He never answers right when I call, but He eventually gets back to me. To my surprise he picked up the phone on the third ring.

LARRY: God, is that you?

GOD: Larry my boy, I'm glad you called. I was speaking to that sanctimonious ass, John Hagee, and you saved me from two hours of his self-important blathering. I owe you one, so what do you want.

LW: I was hoping to get your comment on the Touchdown Jesus thing.

GOD: That was one hideous statue, wasn't it? It didn't even look like Jesus. What part of "Thou shalt not make any graven images" don't these morons understand?

LW: Yeah, well, I have to ask; since this was caused by lightning it has your fingerprints all over it. How do you respond to that?

GOD: Hell yes, I did it. The only way you can make an impression on these mindless dolts is to do it in a big way.

LW: Isn't lightning a little dramatic?

GOD: Let's say it's my calling card. Without it these dipsticks would try to blame it on a nonbeliever. This way there's no doubt it was me, although these zombies will rationalize it somehow.

LW: But why?

GOD: I've been trying to get their attention for a long time, and what better way than zapping their Redeemer with lightning?

LW: Will they get it?

GOD: Nope, they're impervious. It's a good thing there's not a hell or they'd all fry. I wish I could get out of this me-forsaken galaxy.

LW: You got somewhere else to go?

Next Page  1  |  2

 

Rate It | View Ratings

Larry Wohlgemuth Social Media Pages: Facebook page url on login Profile not filled in       Twitter page url on login Profile not filled in       Linkedin page url on login Profile not filled in       Instagram page url on login Profile not filled in

Larry Wohlgemuth has led the proverbial interesting life. Years of childhood abuse led to a battle with PTSD as an adult and honed to a keen edge his skills of astute observation. Having once lost everything he owns has given him the opportunity to (more...)
 
Go To Commenting
The views expressed herein are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.
Writers Guidelines
Contact AuthorContact Author Contact EditorContact Editor Author PageView Authors' Articles
Support OpEdNews

OpEdNews depends upon can't survive without your help.

If you value this article and the work of OpEdNews, please either Donate or Purchase a premium membership.

STAY IN THE KNOW
If you've enjoyed this, sign up for our daily or weekly newsletter to get lots of great progressive content.
Daily Weekly     OpEdNews Newsletter
Name
Email
   (Opens new browser window)
 

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

God: "That Touchdown Jesus Thing Was Hideous"