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Facebook and Me: The Breakup

By   Follow Me on Twitter     Message Patricia A. Smith     Permalink
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Let's face it, Facebook. You and I are no longer the happy couple we once were. There was a time when I couldn't wait to waste numerous hours that should have been productive rush into your arms and catch up on every single annoying detail with all my friends. But there's just too much nonsense going on over there now. Social networking (to me) means having a personal interaction with people and not dismissing every request to accept a Lil Green Patch or play Mafia Wars. Regretfully, I submit the following reasons for why I am officially breaking up with you.

Because if I am going to get "poked", I want to feel it.

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I already have a closet full of Manolo Blahnik shoes; I don't need virtual ones.

I don't really care who what you ate for dinner.

Your children and your pets are not nearly as cute or as interesting as you think they are. Except to you.

If I really felt like "chatting", I'd call you.

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Friends don't let friends invite you to join causes you care nothing about.

Because I don't want to become your "fan". I'm not even sure I want to be your friend.

I don't remember birthdays of people I actually know and like, so why would I want to be reminded of yours?

Because I have a better chance of finding dating a man over 50 or romancing a millionaire in a nursing home than I do on line. And it works!

I'm afraid to catch whatever you announce that you have, including a virus from an application I will never use.

If I wanted to talk about a sporting event that's already over, I would have watched it.

I don't want to have to confirm that I am "glad we're friends". I accepted your friend request already, didn't I?

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If I need a heart, I'm probably going to be on a transplant list.

I get the distinct impression that you are stalking me and have no living, breathing friends of your own.

I stopped taking pop quizzes more than 30 years ago.

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Patricia A. Smith is a writer and artist (and sometimes both at the same time). A former columnist, restaurant critic and cruise line executive, Smith has lived in London, Greece, Denmark, Hungary, Egypt, Costa Rica and France. She returned (more...)

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