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Exclusive Interview with Putin on DNC Emails -- From Russia with Love

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Putin laughing at US politics
Putin laughing at US politics
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Satire

(Washington, DC 7/25) As I was idly wondering what Vladimir Putin would say about the DNC email scandals, I received a call from Vladimir Putin himself. He said he wanted to talk about the Wikileaks release of DNC emails. When I asked why he picked me to contact, he said "I probably strarted at the wrong end of the list" and laughed heartily.

MC: President Putin, did the Russian government hack the DNC email server and then publically release those emails through Wikileaks the day before the Democratic convention?

Putin: Yes.

MC: Yes! Are you serious?

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Putin: I'm quite serious.

MC: How can you justify this open meddling in United States politics?

Putin: Your question should be what took Russia so long. The US oligarchs and their minions surround us with military bases and nuclear missiles, damage our trade to Europe, and seek to destabilize our domestic politics. These emails are nothing in the big picture. But they're sort of funny, don't you agree?

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MC: I'm not sure that funny is the right word. What do you mean by that?

Putin: You've got Hillary Clinton running as a strong and independent woman. Of course, nobody would know who she is had she not married Bill Clinton. She's not independent. Quite the contrary. She had to marry a philandering redneck to get to where she is. When it comes to strength, I can say only this. How strong can you be if you have to cheat and create a rigged game to win the nomination?

MC: Anything else about your leak to cheer us up?

Putin: This situation is the epitome of ironic humor. After the emails were released, the focus was all on DNC Chair and Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz. That's fine for now but what happens when people start asking why Wasserman-Schultz had the DNC screw Sanders and boost Hillary? Did she just wake up one day and decide this on her own?. Not likely. She was and remains Hillary's agent. It will take people a while to arrive that answer. When enough people hear about Wasserman-Schultz's key role in the Clinton campaign, everything will be clear. It's adios Hillary. That inevitable conclusion, by the way, is the reason the DNC made such a big deal about Russia hacking the DNC. That was diversion one right out of the gate.

MC: Is Russia an equal opportunity hacker? What about the Trump campaign?

Putin: Why not? I hear there are some very rather graphic home movies and videos of Mr. Trump with some interesting playmates. But that can wait. Enjoy Hillary's hypocrisy to the fullest. When it comes to either candidate, my only advice is let the buyer beware.

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That was it for my time with the man. I'd like to think it was Putin. Even if it wasn't, this is what I suspect Putin would say.

Satire
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Thelma and Louise, in their minds
Thelma and Louise, in their minds
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