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OpEdNews Op Eds    H4'ed 5/11/20

Alien Alert! Mind Kontrol!

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Space Aliens can be 9 feet tall with slits for eyes, or they can look like little greys or lizard-people, though most of us are familiar only with the Little Green variety. But the most dangerous of the Aliens look just like us. They can mingle among us, unnoticed, and that's where the danger arises. You could be standing next to one at the grocery store checkout, and you would never know he was an Alien from deep in the constellation called Cancer.

Because the aliens who visited in 1947 came from a nearby star in the same part of the sky, these new invaders have been designated Deep Cancerians, or DC. Astronomers are subjecting that part of the sky to intense observation, and have managed to locate the planet DC within a few seconds of arc. An amateur astronomer in Algeria claims to have snapped photos of the planet, but his images are still under investigation by the Experts.


(Image by Antoine de Saint-Exupery)   Details   DMCA

Creatures from DC have a superpower called Mind Kontrol. If you are near one, he can take over your frontal cortex. It may not feel any different. You may not even detect that you have been altered. You go on imagining the thoughts that you're thinking are your own, while all the while you have become an extension of the Alien will. The most powerful and dangerous MK practitioners have been designated MK-Uber, and they are the most powerful and dangerous. Ordinary people -- they could be your kneighbors. They could be your brother-in-laws. Ordinary people who are took over by MK-Uber look and act just like they used to did before, but they are transmitting the mind-kontrol power of their masters from the planet DC.

The good news

There is one way that we can protect ourselves. Our friends in the Federal Government have set up a new agency on an emergency basis. Called Counter-Deep-Cancer, they have studied the situation exhaustively, and have issued their Expert recommendations.

According to the C-D-C, we can protect ourselves by wearing earplugs. Earplugs appear to have the power to block the Mind Kontrol rays that emanate from the DC creatures, or their MK-Uber zombie klones.

Hence the C-D-C's recommendations. We should all be wearing earplugs whenever we go out in public. And at home? MK rays can be passed through your TV, your computer, or even your cell phone. The C-D-C strongly recommends wearing earplugs whenever you are exposed to any of these devices. "We've all become inured to Facebook videos of the neighbor's kitten. Now we know that these can be agents of mind kontrol. They can turn you into a MK-Uber Zombie Klone. Be afraid. Be very afraid."

Thus spake the C-D-C.

And For the Future

A few otherwise-loyal citizens have complained that they don't want to go around with plugs in their ears for the rest of their lives. For a long-term solution, C-D-C has funded Scientists at the Wake Forest Institute for Regenerative Medicine to create a prosthetic solution. By a stroke of good luck, the Virtual Aural Cavity (VAC) has been in development for more than a decade. It's almost as if someone knew this was coming.

Now, the program only needs adaptation to work with natural ears, while insulating them from the hypnotic Uber-rays. The new prosthetic combining the new Insulated Natural Ear (INE) technology with the old VAC technology is expected to be available in out-patient clinics early next year. It will be sold to America under the acronym VAC-INE.

 

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Josh Mitteldorf, a senior editor at OpEdNews, blogs on aging at http://JoshMitteldorf.ScienceBlog.com. Read how to stay young at http://AgingAdvice.org.
Educated to be an astrophysicist, he has branched out from there to mathematical (more...)
 

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