My wife moved back to Russia. She says she would rather die there. I understand. She says she will keep my place there. And me? I still have more essential things to learn here in this beautiful/cursed land of my birth. Country of the Four Corners wonderland and the deadly Poison of Presidents.
I have been living as a 'homeless person' for the last several months. There were some bitter, crippling cold nights and bleak dawns (no country for pansy old men) until I made it to the Sonora desert (Arizona/Mexico) that was kind enough to fiercely roast off the frost-bite scars and give me a more sunny outlook. I have recently acquired a bed surrounded by man-made walls again, thanks to a semi-literate curandera with bottomless beautiful brown eyes. There is also a computer here with internet service by way of which I greet you.
Apart from my alchemical/healer/magician work, which I will not go into in this 'political' forum, I have been focused on certain questions pertaining to this currently totally f!cked-up civilization at large.
For example - It would be difficult to determine what people here would be more afraid of: Dying in a nuclear war or giving up the way of living that led to the nuclear war in the first place. Seriously.
Excuses are continuously made for why humanity doesn't get off the path to self-destruction. Such excuse-making is, in fact, part of being a 'normal' person in the larger societies of the present civilization. It is taken for granted that humanity deserves to survive even though its survival is threatened by nothing but itself.
What is the explanation for such puerile perversion? The question is not glib or rhetorical? Again, in all seriousness: WTF is wrong with civilized people? What is so terrifying about facing up to reality?
Well, in the first place, the self-deception is so very long-standing and deep that it's like trying to talk to a toxically inebriated person who can't find the floor. So many people are chronically drunk on self-deception and denial that it actually becomes a common identity. It's part of being 'normal'. A world of staggering stumblers. This is not a political problem with a political solution. Politics is part of the toxic condition: a perverse denial-ritual carried out by staggering, stumbling addicts. But the intoxicated people of course always know best what to do as they walk the straight and narrow path to idiot doom.
What do you do when loss of contact with reality has become the societal norm and the answer for every problem is always to find someone else to blame?
The usual response by 'decent and innocent' people is that most people are 'decent and innocent' (except of course North Koreans for example) and it's just the minority with all the power that is to blame. But how did the minority get all this so-called power? The very fact that a minority has all this power proves that most people are not decent and innocent. Instead, they are drunks with no self-respect and no courage and are willing to let life go by without ever really taking responsibility for their selves. So again: What is so terrifying about facing up to reality and taking responsibility? Answer: Reality doesn't give a rat's ass about the self-importance of civilized people. Reality will raise you up and slam you down in a grave without so much as a simple please and thank you. So it's so much safer and civilized to be drunk. Drunk on power. Drunk on money. Drunk on pleasure. Drunk on attention. Drunk on vanity. Drunk on fear. Drunk on self-importance. So by all means let's create a fantasy world where pop-tops and HD TV never end and sweet dead grandma is in Teflon Heaven with a pet poodle that sh!ts emeralds (fake ones).
Reality is a relentless fathomless fire that necessitates that one be a constantly evolving and learning fire-walker or a spineless leech with a suck-lock on its source of intoxication. There are two kinds of leeches: The big bloated ones that live for power over others and the little feeble ones that live off the waste and garbage of the big fat ones. What the two kinds of civilized leeches have in common is self-importance. But the human fire-walkers take a different path.
Real self has no importance because it is too busy becoming more than what it was. It is never anything long enough for the pretense of importance to get the suck-lock on it. Genuine consciousness moves through the mysteries of material and non-material reality with the motion of flames that cannot be contained because they are that reality awaking to its self. Only doomed leeching drunks (big and little) have time for self-importance and all the little 'living' that is taking them straight to nuclear war. And the truth is that they actually perversely love the self-important drama of nuclear war that threatens the very existence of life on earth (!). They have the fathomless mystery of reality staring them in the face and all they can come up with is...
"Hey, Let's have a f!cking nuclear war! We'll show reality how important we are! We'll be the ones who wiped themselves out! We'll go down in the annals of eternal fame as the ones who made their own death and showed reality how important we are! We made computers! We made missiles! We made politics! We made and unmade the Twin Towers! We made money itself! We even made our own death! So there!"
In the seething Sonora desert I found remains of an old brown skull. It was full of the vast silence of the desert. It was a brown bowl full of glimmering silence. I drank it down and quenched my thirst. When twilight cooled the furnace floor, I laid my body down and waited for the stars. When they came, I thanked them for my being so unimportant.