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Escape from America: 90 Countries and Counting

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Linh Dinh
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The "trial" was bizarre. No visitors are allowed. The courtroom I was in was underground. You're brought to a jail before the trial where you have to take off your shoes and belt and then stand in a cage inside the trial room. I was with three other guys in the cage. There's no one in the courtroom aside from some grim-looking guard with a rifle.

After an hour of waiting, a prim little woman walks in, sits down at a table facing the cage. She calls out your name and you walk to the front of the cage. She reads your file out loud: the charges, I guess. It's all in Thai.

My lawyer is then allowed to enter the room. They talk quietly for a few minutes in Thai. She's very deferential, not making eye contact with the judge. The lawyer then approaches the cage and asks if I am sorry. I'm ready: I know this is my cue to turn on the histrionics. I bow and wai repeatedly at the judge, the guards, the other Thais in the cage. My lawyer had prepared me. I repeat the Thai phrase I had prepared, over and over again and again. "I am so sorry and ashamed. I am so sorry and ashamed." Likely mangling the pronunciation. I cry. I plead.

The judge looks at the lawyer. Laughs. Scribbles something on the file and then proclaims something in Thai. Before the lawyer has a chance to translate, I'm taken by a guard from the cage back to the primary jail in the courthouse. I sit there for two hours.

Eventually, they call my name and my lawyer is at the jail door. She's smiling.

If you're interested, my total penalty was...wait for it...a 100,000 baht fine paid to the court and an agreement to 'not do anything bad in Thailand' for one full year. I pay my lawyer another 100,000 baht, wait to get my 100,000 baht bond back from the courthouse (which has to be fronted by a Thai...in this case, my lawyer), and I am on my way. I fly to KL that night.

I bear no ill will towards the Thai people. I made a stupid mistake and, in retrospect, should have paid the fine upfront. Scam or no scam. The normal Thai people live in a shitty, corrupt system. They're just trying to get by. At least they have the comforts of family, community, culture, and tradition to return to after a long day of sentencing Americans to prison.

To answer your earlier question, I think most of the white nationalists are the disgusting pigs. Potato-shaped genetic-mutt trash dropping rancor and CheezeIt crumbs all over their cum-stained keyboards. There is no hope for the United States if these guys are the vanguards of "our" future. I'll take the "Orientals" or the Muslims any day of the week.

Europe is a weird case. As a political or economic union it's toast, but the individual states will still have a lot of interesting possibilities. In many ways, Europe's inevitable dissolution is good for guys like me. It will be easier to get in and purchase citizenship, or property, or whatever. The fragmentation of Europe will be a boon for those fleeing the West.

The 'least developed' European countries have the most interesting long-term prospects, at least as places I like to live. I'd look for those that are food-secure and have good access to clean water. There are some nice towns in Bulgaria (mostly in the Rhodope foothills) and Albania that I'd consider long-term. Portugal was great until the Golden Visa, and will now be flooded with Brits heading back to Spain or Chinese opportunists. I've always been a fan of Poland, of Polish cities and people. Georgia and Abkhazia are gorgeous and ripe for sustainable development--whatever that means. Northern Spain, west of Basque country, towards Galacia, is gorgeous and peaceful. There are some great small towns in Slovakia but you have to be ready to handle Gypsies. Northwestern Greece, in the mountains, has a great climate and food culture. No one will bug you there. There's also East Asia, but that's a whole other article.

Reading about your adventures everywhere, some readers might think you're just an anchorless hedonist, but you're actually happily married, and your wife does travel with you. Since it's nearly impossible to synchronize wishes or demands on the road, this is very rare. You're very lucky. To wrap up, do you have advice for Americans who might want to get out?

Yes, for much of the past 5 years of non-stop travel my wife has been by my side. It's been pretty amazing and I am incredibly fortunate to have someone so willing to be 'unsettled' throughout the world. It's always fun to travel alone but having someone to wake up and make breakfast for--no matter the weird city we're in--is pure pleasure.

For those looking to escape, my advice would be to have a plan but not to commit to it too firmly. Too many people over-utilize the Internet to the detriment of on-the-ground intelligence. I can't tell you how many people I've met who've 'sold everything' back in the States and then bought a one-way ticket to Fethiye or Chiang Mai without ever visiting these places once! All based on some Youtuber's drone videos. It's ridiculous. These are, unsurprisingly, the people that go back to Michigan in a few years.

Once travel opens back up, get your money right in the US first. Don't burn bridges. Then, pick a region. Pack minimally. I recommend warmer countries first simply because there's less to pack. Don't worry about booking an apartment for a month. Book a few days on Airbnb. Move around to a different neighborhood. In a city like Jakarta or Yangon or even Milan, you can have a dramatically different experience based on your neighborhood.

Keep in mind, no matter where you travel, you'll always bring yourself along. If you aren't happy in your own head, in your own body, then no amount of wandering will change that.

Jonathan (41-years-old)

(Article changed on Jun 04, 2021 at 6:38 PM EDT)

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Linh Dinh's Postcards from the End of America has just been published by Seven Stories Press. Tracking our deteriorating socialscape, he maintains a photo blog.


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