>>Please be aware that while we carry out due-diligence in certifying our terrorist suspects, in the event that an innocent man or woman was provided you -- which does happen on occasion as street sweeps can be fairly random -- we assume no financial or criminal liability. We also cannot provide assurance that governments or family members of the prisoner won't try to locate you later for purposes of revenge.
>>But most red-blooded American citizens won't let those minor caveats stop them from coming to the aid of their country in this time of war. And you can have jolly good fun doing so, and feel patriotic pride in your valuable work for the homeland.
>>Slots are limited, so act now. For the first hundred who sign up, we will provide a framed, autographed photo of Jeffrey Dahmer.
*****
HOW TO SUBMIT YOUR BID
So that's the basic outline of my proposal, which, as you can see, is a win-win for all concerned. The war effort gains much needed fundage, the capitalist system is promoted, bad guys are punished, ordinary citizens are permitted to participate in important governmental programs, and the recipients of the carnage no doubt will be adopted by liberal do-gooder groups and nursed back to health. If they make it.
Should you be interested in applying to Torture Abroad, send your name, address and phone number, and a good-faith deposit of $5000 cash, to the address below. A special email address for VIP entry into the program will be forwarded to you -- in other words, you won't have to log onto the website's home page, which, as you can imagine, is sure to attract all sorts of low-life thugs.
Mail all inquiries to John Ashcroft, Torture Abroad Program Director, at the Department of Homeland Security, P. O. Box 666, Washington, D.C. Enclose a photo, a brief bio, a key to your home, and your email password.
Thank you from all of us on Torture Abroad's Board of Directors: K. Rove, G. Bush, R. Cheney, D. Rumsfeld, C. Rice, A. Gonzales, L. Libby, J. Ashcroft, S. Hadley, K. Hughes, M. Matalin, J. Bolton, J. Woo, J. Bybee, B. O'Reilly, R. Limbaugh, A. Coulter, J. Inhofe, W. Boykin, G. Miller, S. Cambone, M. Chertoff, and Founding Fathers J. Mengele, A. Eichmann, and T. de Torquemada.
God Bless the United States of America. #
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bernard Weiner, a poet-playwright who has concocted numerous political satires and parodies, has taught at various universities, worked as a writer/editor for the San Francisco Chronicle, and currently is co-editor of The Crisis Papers (www.crisispapers.org). To comment: >>crisispapers@comcast.net <<.
Originally published at The Crisis Papers and Democratic Underground 12/13/05.
Copyright 2005 by Bernard Weiner.
>>But most red-blooded American citizens won't let those minor caveats stop them from coming to the aid of their country in this time of war. And you can have jolly good fun doing so, and feel patriotic pride in your valuable work for the homeland.
>>Slots are limited, so act now. For the first hundred who sign up, we will provide a framed, autographed photo of Jeffrey Dahmer.
*****
So that's the basic outline of my proposal, which, as you can see, is a win-win for all concerned. The war effort gains much needed fundage, the capitalist system is promoted, bad guys are punished, ordinary citizens are permitted to participate in important governmental programs, and the recipients of the carnage no doubt will be adopted by liberal do-gooder groups and nursed back to health. If they make it.
Should you be interested in applying to Torture Abroad, send your name, address and phone number, and a good-faith deposit of $5000 cash, to the address below. A special email address for VIP entry into the program will be forwarded to you -- in other words, you won't have to log onto the website's home page, which, as you can imagine, is sure to attract all sorts of low-life thugs.
Mail all inquiries to John Ashcroft, Torture Abroad Program Director, at the Department of Homeland Security, P. O. Box 666, Washington, D.C. Enclose a photo, a brief bio, a key to your home, and your email password.
Thank you from all of us on Torture Abroad's Board of Directors: K. Rove, G. Bush, R. Cheney, D. Rumsfeld, C. Rice, A. Gonzales, L. Libby, J. Ashcroft, S. Hadley, K. Hughes, M. Matalin, J. Bolton, J. Woo, J. Bybee, B. O'Reilly, R. Limbaugh, A. Coulter, J. Inhofe, W. Boykin, G. Miller, S. Cambone, M. Chertoff, and Founding Fathers J. Mengele, A. Eichmann, and T. de Torquemada.
God Bless the United States of America. #
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bernard Weiner, a poet-playwright who has concocted numerous political satires and parodies, has taught at various universities, worked as a writer/editor for the San Francisco Chronicle, and currently is co-editor of The Crisis Papers (www.crisispapers.org). To comment: >>crisispapers@comcast.net <<.
Originally published at The Crisis Papers and Democratic Underground 12/13/05.
Copyright 2005 by Bernard Weiner.
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