-- The National Anthem will
change from the "Star-Spangled Banner" to "Everybody Wang Chung
Tonight."
-- Hours will have 61 - minutes.
-- All prime-time television
programs will be required to include at least one appearance by a member of the
Kardashian family.
-- Cell phones will only work in
South Dakota.
-- Supreme Court justices will
exchange their traditional robes for hoodies, low-rider jeans, tank tops, and
doo rags and write their decisions in rap.
-- The letter "e" will
be removed from the alphabt.
-- You will only be able to buy
shoes for left feet and socks for right feet.
-- Olivia Newton-John will marry
former major league pitcher Tommy John, divorce him, marry singer Wayne Newton,
divorce him and then marry chef Jamie Oliver. She will become Olivia
Newton-John-John-Newton-Oliver.
-- Texting will end, forcing
millions of Americans to talk to each other.
-- Texas and Arizona will be
returned to Mexico, which will then pass repressive anti-immigrant legislation.
-- "Human Sacrifice, Dogs
and Cats Living Together . . . Mass Hysteria."
Chris Lamb is a professor of
journalism at the College of Charleston in Charleston, SC. His last book was
The Sound and Fury of Sarah Palin (Frontline Press).
(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).
3
2
1
