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OpEdNews Op Eds    H4'ed 12/9/12

What Happens if There's a Fiscal Cliff?: "Human Sacrifice, Dogs and Cats Living Together ... Mass Hysteria!"

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Message Chris Lamb

-- The National Anthem will change from the "Star-Spangled Banner" to "Everybody Wang Chung Tonight."

-- Hours will have 61 - minutes.

-- All prime-time television programs will be required to include at least one appearance by a member of the Kardashian family.

-- Cell phones will only work in South Dakota.

-- Supreme Court justices will exchange their traditional robes for hoodies, low-rider jeans, tank tops, and doo rags and write their decisions in rap.

-- The letter "e" will be removed from the alphabt.

-- You will only be able to buy shoes for left feet and socks for right feet.

-- Olivia Newton-John will marry former major league pitcher Tommy John, divorce him, marry singer Wayne Newton, divorce him and then marry chef Jamie Oliver. She will become Olivia Newton-John-John-Newton-Oliver.

-- Texting will end, forcing millions of Americans to talk to each other.

-- Texas and Arizona will be returned to Mexico, which will then pass repressive anti-immigrant legislation.

-- "Human Sacrifice, Dogs and Cats Living Together . . . Mass Hysteria."

 

Chris Lamb is a professor of journalism at the College of Charleston in Charleston, SC. His last book was The Sound and Fury of Sarah Palin (Frontline Press).

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Chris Lamb is a professor of Communication at the College of Charleston, in Charleston, SC, he teaches courses in journalism and media studies. He has written hundreds of newspaper columns that have appeared in the Washington Post, Los Angeles (more...)
 
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