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OpEdNews Op Eds    H3'ed 8/8/08

Report from Iraq: If the Iraq Army wants to buy $10.6 billion in weapons, then let's have a fire sale!

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Jane Stillwater
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After the first few times that the dogs went after me, I started creeping around the COP like a burglar, sneaking in and out of doors, peeking around corners, tiptoeing here and making mad dashes across open spaces there. But I still couldn't avoid the attacks. So I finally started arming myself with rocks. Me! An animal lover! A freaking pacifist! The last time they came after me I had to throw my water bottle at them and threaten to hit them with my purse.

I gots my adrenalin pumping here, guys.

War is hell.

PPS: I've decided to look at this whole dog-fight thing as a learning experience. As I slink through the halls and cautiously poke my head around the corners of the COP, ever vigilant for the stealthy approach of the enemy, the analogy between what is happening to me here and what is happening to our troops out on the streets is pretty much clear to me -- the hunters and the hunted. I feel like I'm a soldier, being stalked by insurgents.

"No, you're the insurgent," commented one of the soldiers.

"Heck no!" I laughed. "I'm the occupier!"

PPPS: Listening to my hysterical shrieks echoing throughout the entire COP for the last two days has finally motivated someone to tie up the dogs. Aha! Here's my chance. Now we can negotiate. So I dug up some beef jerky out of the storeroom where the potato chips and Gatorade are kept and went out to make deals with the enemy. "If you promise not to bite me, I'll give you beef jerky?" I said, showing up with my own little mini-grant stimulus package in hand. What do you think? Isn't negotiating a lot less painful than "war"?

The two dogs seemed very interested.

There's a moral here someplace.

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Stillwater is a freelance writer who hates injustice and corruption in any form but especially injustice and corruption paid for by American taxpayers. She has recently published a book entitled, "Bring Your Own Flak Jacket: Helpful Tips For Touring (more...)
 
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