I'm harder on my husband's overall dress and appearance than he is on me. In fact, he was more accepting (aka quiet) than I might diplomatically have been years back when I gained ten pounds after I lost my job. Boredom and the blues packed on pounds.
That being said, however, he knows I work out six days a week, eat well, take supplements, and generally (but not obsessively) care about my appearance.
Call it vanity, aging, narcissism, genuine self-care. But the fact is my husband doesn't have to gently nudge me to care about my appearance. I nudge myself.
So, is he more forgiving when my appearance drags?
Likely--yes.
Despicable me. The superficial sides of truth.And here goes my other shallow confession. I loathe enormous big male bellies. My husband doesn't have one, but if he did, I'd likely hint that it's sort of, well, not my favorite and well, in the way.
I'd never expect 6-pack abs. Please, I'm lucky if I can manage to sculpt a one-pack on myself. But billowing bellies are a major turn-off for me. So is bad hygiene, crooked teeth, and hair sprouting from new places.
We're not supposed to admit our superficial sides as we age. The lines are supposed to be earned notches that reveal character over loose collagen. Sure, we're vain-ish about our wrinkles and grays but we're supposed to be closer to self-actualizing them away with acceptance (sensing what really mattered all along before we die).
Ha.
I could tell you superficial exteriors shouldn't matter in the calculus of deep bonds, that intelligence, sense of humor, loving kindness, open-mindedness, involved fathering, financial stability, seeing us at our worst and best (both when the baby came out), will trump a billowing belly every time.
And yes, over the long haul and in the lasting meaningful parts of our relationship, big bellies don't matter an ounce. But for me a big belly would get in the way of seeing my husband as attractive. For others, maybe not so much.
Go ahead. Throw juicy tomatoes at my head. I understand. I'll wipe off the seeds and still feel the same way.
Men keep your wallets fat. Women keep your appearance up.Somewhere into Dennis's discussion he said a couple things that bothered me. These points are where we probably part ways on family dynamics, at least as far as our social, moral, and even biological gender imperatives are concerned.
He said it's a man's moral obligation to provide while it's a woman's moral obligation to keep herself up (the gist).
Did I get this right? If I didn't, I apologize. If I did....
Oh Dennis, you lost me with that dated manifesto about gender roles.
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