1. How to pepper your resume with half truths and no
truths.
2. Basic principles of deceptive ad writing: The 25 strategies for effective
lying.
3. Mastering bait and switch techniques.
4. Conversion techniques for when bait and switch fails.
5. Strategies for avoiding paying bills for goods and services.
6. Professor Detox's secrets for spotless money laundering.
7. The five best off-shore banks for hiding assets and avoiding the nuisance of
paying taxes.
8. Tried and proven methods for defrauding clients who have minimal reading
ability.
9. How to obtain credentials from no-show colleges, universities, and divinity
programs, which will certify your expertise in fields you may never have heard
of.
10. Seductive techniques for setting up clients for the big "con."
11. How to decorate your office and home without mirrors or reflecting surfaces
so you don't have to look at yourself after defrauding clients and driving them
to ruin.
12. And our most important lesson: How to plan the timing for declaring
bankruptcy, after you have squirreled away substantial assets.
And there's more...
Optional Offerings:
For an additional fee and commitment for an annual contribution to the Cheater Humanitarian Foundation to Promote Ethics, Truth, and Compassion you will receive a Magna Cum Laude certification on you diploma from Cheater U, along with praises from important names obtained from gravestones.
On payment in full for the one-year program at Cheater U--and a small retainer fee which will be divulged after you sign a binding contract and agree to our seventy-five page disclaimer--you will be entitled to two free legal defenses (which you will surely need) from our never-lost-a-bad-case killer law firm: Sheister, Goniff, Faker, and Crooke (soon to merge with the prestigious law firm, Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe).
And if you fail to successfully implement all that you have learned at Cheater U and unfairly get prosecuted and sentenced by a rigged system, you will be entitled to a free seminar by our esteemed Chief Financial Officer (**see note below)--who has just been released from federal prison--on "How to thrive in Club Fed while planning your next crooked business."
Bonus Offer:
Sign up for Cheater University in the next hour and receive a free overnight stay in our simulation of a Club Fed prison cell (additional fees may accrue). This offer is another example showing that Cheater University excels in preparation.
*Note: The Stummer family has vigorously denied the charge of foul play in the loss of their credentials and other records based on the thin evidence of a chapter in Cheater von Stummer's self-help book, "How To Fake a Flood."
**Note: CFO Swifty Hustleman was the only candidate to successfully answer the question "how much is one and one?" His inspiring response convinced us that he would grow the value of Cheater U. His answer: How much do you want it to be?
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