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Autotomous Penes & Endless War

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We get those guys up there to do the math the stem cell scientists need to figure out a way to give us the ability to regenerate various body parts. Roadrunner could handle all this in its sleep. It probably would take all of 5 seconds, if that.

Then we offer all the angry, disillusioned, embittered women of the world the opportunity to have parthenogenetic unisexual pseudocopulation. Just think about it. Would your wife's cup not brimmeth over big time? Be honest.

Next, we make it possible for all demonstrably straight men to have autotomous tails, or to use the Latin form, penes. They can have as many as they want, as many times as they want. Each time they are feeling under the mark by failing to close that big contract, or rejected yet again by that eighteen year old stock clerk, or by failing to sort out that guy next door who backed his Hummer into that new stainless steel barbie, presto!, problem solved. There would be no preconditions. If a man's penis was too small, too skinny, curved in the wrong direction, with the right technique, phyzst! &, easy as flicking your bic, it would be gone & another would magically reappear. We could even get the scientists to factor in size & color choices. Just think of the endless hours of anxiety that would eliminate for white guys. Moreover, the financial advantages would be enormous because they wouldn't have to buy all those guns. The only down side I can think of off hand is that it would diminish the rather twisted joys of circumcision. I mean, why mess with the foreskin when you can just whack the whole thing off?

As for career military officers & elected/unelected federal employees, law enforcement personnel, financial sector workers (particularly derivative traders & insurance underwriters), all CEO's & real estate salesman it would be mandatory. Just think of the dramatic reduction in crime & unilateral wars this would eliminate.

Oh my gosh, I can't believe I just solved the problem of endless war. Raytheon, Bank of America, Lockheed-Martin & Dick Cheney aren't going to like this one bit.

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Richard W. Overfield is an artist/writer currently based in New Mexico after living in Vancouver, Canada for 20 years.His paintings are represented in over 300 public & private collections in the U.S., Canada, Switzerland, France, England, Japan & (more...)
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