Send a Tweet
Most Popular Choices
Poll Analyses
Share on Facebook 8 Share on Twitter Printer Friendly Page More Sharing
Exclusive to OpEdNews:
Sci Tech   

Autotomous Penes & Endless War

By       (Page 2 of 2 pages) Become a premium member to see this article and all articles as one long page. (View How Many People Read This)   2 comments
Author 3457
Message dick overfield
We get those guys up there to do the math the stem cell scientists need to figure out a way to give us the ability to regenerate various body parts. Roadrunner could handle all this in its sleep. It probably would take all of 5 seconds, if that.

Then we offer all the angry, disillusioned, embittered women of the world the opportunity to have parthenogenetic unisexual pseudocopulation. Just think about it. Would your wife's cup not brimmeth over big time? Be honest.

Next, we make it possible for all demonstrably straight men to have autotomous tails, or to use the Latin form, penes. They can have as many as they want, as many times as they want. Each time they are feeling under the mark by failing to close that big contract, or rejected yet again by that eighteen year old stock clerk, or by failing to sort out that guy next door who backed his Hummer into that new stainless steel barbie, presto!, problem solved. There would be no preconditions. If a man's penis was too small, too skinny, curved in the wrong direction, with the right technique, phyzst! &, easy as flicking your bic, it would be gone & another would magically reappear. We could even get the scientists to factor in size & color choices. Just think of the endless hours of anxiety that would eliminate for white guys. Moreover, the financial advantages would be enormous because they wouldn't have to buy all those guns. The only down side I can think of off hand is that it would diminish the rather twisted joys of circumcision. I mean, why mess with the foreskin when you can just whack the whole thing off?

As for career military officers & elected/unelected federal employees, law enforcement personnel, financial sector workers (particularly derivative traders & insurance underwriters), all CEO's & real estate salesman it would be mandatory. Just think of the dramatic reduction in crime & unilateral wars this would eliminate.

Oh my gosh, I can't believe I just solved the problem of endless war. Raytheon, Bank of America, Lockheed-Martin & Dick Cheney aren't going to like this one bit.

Next Page  1  |  2

(Note: You can view every article as one long page if you sign up as an Advocate Member, or higher).

 

Must Read 1   Funny 1  
Rate It | View Ratings

dick overfield Social Media Pages: Facebook page url on login Profile not filled in       Twitter page url on login Profile not filled in       Linkedin page url on login Profile not filled in       Instagram page url on login Profile not filled in

Richard W. Overfield is an artist/writer currently based in New Mexico after living in Vancouver, Canada for 20 years.His paintings are represented in over 300 public & private collections in the U.S., Canada, Switzerland, France, England, Japan & (more...)
 
Go To Commenting
The views expressed herein are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.
Writers Guidelines
Contact AuthorContact Author Contact EditorContact Editor Author PageView Authors' Articles
Support OpEdNews

OpEdNews depends upon can't survive without your help.

If you value this article and the work of OpEdNews, please either Donate or Purchase a premium membership.

STAY IN THE KNOW
If you've enjoyed this, sign up for our daily or weekly newsletter to get lots of great progressive content.
Daily Weekly     OpEdNews Newsletter
Name
Email
   (Opens new browser window)
 

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

America Prepares for Its Next War

Zinc Dimes, Tungsten Gold & Lost Respect

New Mexico Legislature Rejects Citizens United

Things Are Not as They Seem

To View Comments or Join the Conversation: