Love consists of a series of stages through which an individual can climb.
In ancient India, sex was not associated with shame--as it is in many interpretations of the Judeo-Christian myth of the "fall of man"--but a joyous aspect of human existence and a topic worthy of serious investigation. The Kama Sutra, which was written around the time of Christ, is not merely a catalogue of kinky sexual positions and erotic techniques. The majority of the text is a philosophy of love dealing with questions such as what sparks desire, what maintains it, and how it can be wisely cultivated.
But while the sages honor kama as a legitimate goal of life, they insist that we'll never achieve wholeness through the act of sex alone.
2. "Shringara," or rapturous intimacy
Sex without true intimacy and sharing can leave us feeling empty. That is why the philosophers of India focused on the emotional content of the experience, and they developed an especially rich vocabulary to express the myriad moods and emotions associated with it.
Out of this bubbling stew of feelings is born shringara, or romance. Lovers stir the pot of their erotic attraction by seeing one another as embodiments of all their cravings. And they spice it up by sharing secrets, making up affectionate names for one another, playing games, and giving inventive gifts. This imaginative play of love is symbolized by the relationship of the divine couple, Radha and Krishna, whose romantic adventures are celebrated in Indian dance, music, theater, and poetry.
Yet the ancients were realistic about what a mixed bag romance is. They did not imagine that finding our "soul mate" would solve our problems, relieve our sense of unworthiness and self-doubt, or satisfy all of our emotional needs.
Nevertheless, Indian philosophy teaches that romantic love, enjoyed in moderation, provides a foretaste of something even greater.
3. "Maitri," or generous compassion
To the millions of OK Cupid subscribers, India's philosophers of love would probably say, "Stop waiting for love--it is within your power right now to make it happen!"
The way one does that, they would say, is by giving out love in little ways whenever you can. That could mean a smile at the checkout counter, a gift of food to the hungry, a soulful hug....
"The simplest acts of kindness," said Mahatma Gandhi, "are by far more powerful than a thousand heads bowing in prayer."
"The river that flows in you," says the Indian mystical poet Kabir, "also flows in me."
Compassion resembles the uncomplicated love that we naturally feel toward children and pets. It is also associated with "matru-prema," the Sanskrit term for motherly love, which is said to be love's most giving and least selfish form. Maitri is like a mother's tender love but expressed toward all living beings not just for one's own biological child.
Compassion for strangers, however, does not always come naturally. So in Hindu and Buddhist practice, there are loving-kindness meditations in which practitioners develop the ability to wish others well. The idea is that compassion is like a muscle that can become stronger if we use it regularly.
4. "Bhakti," or impersonal devotion
While compassion is a wonderful quality, it is not quite the final word. Beyond interpersonal love, the Indian tradition envisioned an impersonal form in which our sympathies gradually expand to embrace the whole of creation.
As a bridge to this, the sages came up with a path called "bhakti yoga," which can be translated as the cultivation of the self through the love of God. Luckily for those who aren't conventionally religious, bhakti need not be focused on God in the usual sense. It can be directed toward whatever higher ideal speaks to us most powerfully, be that kindness, truth, or social justice.
Think of leaders like Nelson Mandela, Jane Goodall, the Dalai Lama, and countless others whose love for the world was as passionate and powerful as any romance.
Through bhakti one learns that one's true family is the family of life itself.
5. "Atma-Prema," or unconditional self-love
Up until this point, each stage of love has been directed outward into the world. But at its apex it comes full circle back to the self. Atma-prema can be translated as "self-love." This is not the self as we usually think of it, but the essential self, the self that exists at the center of all of us.
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