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OpEdNews Op Eds    H2'ed 6/12/11

10 Weiner rules for the Congressman that the rest of us learned in kindergarten (explicit)

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The language of disease has taken another turn of the absurd in the ever-shifting story of Rep. Anthony Weiner who recently admitted to sending graphic photos of his snickerdoodle to several young women. Instead of taking responsibility for his actions, Weiner now says he has a "sickness" and needs "treatment" for it. This implies that he couldn't control his actions, of course.

The genius in calling this a "sickness" is that Rep. Weiner can now undergo "treatment" and maybe even claim to get a sexting vaccine shot which "cures" him of the disease. The press would probably buy that, actually. And then he could return to Washington D.C. having been "cured" of this terrible, terrible condition that caused his hands to uncontrollably snap photos of his junk and then click buttons on his computer which just happened to be connected to his Twitter account. I told ya, it's a terrible disease.

Getting "treatment" for a sexting "disease"

Now let's ponder for a moment what this "treatment" might consist of. Is Rep. Weiner seeking rehab in some kind of scientifically credentialed medical center where they attach high-voltage electrodes to his nipples and jolt him every time he sends a pornographic tweet? Nope, it's nothing of the kind, sadly. Instead, "treatment" actually consists of Rep. Weiner sitting down and talking with counselors about what he did, why it was wrong, and why he should never do it again.

In other words, what Rep. Weiner is about to discover as a 47-year-old Congressman is what the rest of us males already learned in Kindergarten: Don't show your wienerschnitzel to the other schoolchildren! And especially not the teacher. (Ahem.)

The top 10 Weiner rules that the rest of us learned in kindergarten

Rule #1) (We just covered this one.) Don't show your wiener to the other schoolchildren. Even if you think they might be impressed.

Rule #2) Your wiener is not welcome to the party unless it is invited. No surprise show-ups.

Rule #3) "If you show me yours, I'll show you mine" is not a cool pick-up line. Not even if you offer to show yours first, it turns out.

Rule #4) The power of the wiener is nothing compared to the power of the press.

Rule #5) Your wiener is supposed to be camera shy. If it isn't, it's time to have a talk with it and explain a few things. This is called "counseling." Try not to video record this counseling session and post it on YouTube, or you just might get a million new amazed fans overnight.

Rule #6) If you get caught showing your wiener to others, it is not acceptable to use the excuse, "It's afraid of the dark and just wanted to have a look around..."

Rule #7) If your wiener had its own hands, it could send tweets for you. But since it doesn't, it can't. And that means YOU tweeted it, you twit.

Rule #8) Never send social networking messages with your mouse in one hand and your wiener in the other. Sometimes the mind confuses left and right and you end up submitting the wrong thing to the wrong place. Practice safe computing. (Corollary to Rule #8 - There is no UNDO function on Twitter.)

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Mike Adams is a natural health author and award-winning journalist with a strong interest in personal health, the environment and the power of nature to help us all heal. He has authored and published thousands of articles, interviews, consumers (more...)
 
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