NO BRUSHOFF

I am wandering the aisles in Trader Joe's seeking hummus and figs and European Bread and Greek yogurt...when I remember my sore gums and head for the small shelf selling "personal products".

Now, clearly, someone as sensitive to messaging as I am must apply some sort of scale to judge Promo-speak for the moments I fall prey to the cultural imperative to shop 'til I drop. My scale ranges from soft-core=benign but present, to hard-core= subterfuge, outright lying, distortion of facts.

Happily, I find TJ's toothbrush Promo-speak is soft-core...probably because TJ's carries only one line of toothbrush - and that line promotes recycling. This means it comes with a built-in pious-o-meter: I recycle therefore I am (good, brave, trendy, forward thinking, beautiful, smart, liberal, _________ [fill in the blank]).

Moreover, not only is there no toothbrush brand competition, TJ's line is politically correct, environmentally friendly, and  ...

While it sells for close to $3 - more than double my ideal toothbrush 'spend', and given the givens (my lack of enthusiasm for shopping; that I am already shopping; the symmetry of purchasing yogurt in a yogurt cup and a toothbrush made from recycled yogurt cups, not to mention a 'dentist designed grip' ) - I purchase one.

It is green - as shown on the packaging, above, and the promo goes like this (from the front -image on the left - to the back - image on the right): 

[front]

100% RECYCLED HANDLE

MADE IN USA

FIVE GREAT COLORS

gimme5 [logo] makes it

rewarding

to recycle

[back]

Smile Brightly

Tiered bristles and dentist designed grip for cleaner teeth.

Mail Back Pack makes recycling easy.

gimme5 is our recycling community

We turn your used #5 plastic products

and packing into new products.

Recycle two just like this:

[illustration of two spooning toothbrushes]

[How to recycle your toothbrush]

1. Enter your rewards code at mygimme5.com

[the code in the small grey box]

2. When you're ready to recycle, print the postage paid label and tape it to this package.

3. Get surprises like a Preserve food storage container.

ATTACH POSTAGE PAID LABEL HERE

Launch a Bottleship

Give your recycling a boost

Send back 6 in a plastic bottle

Visit mygimme5.com to learn more.

[ editorial comment: See, this is why marketing is fun...the folks thinking up this gimmick had a good laugh at the Launch a Bottleship pun-of-sorts, and fun in the workplace keeps workers content and coming back for more. Does the top recycler gets a Bottleship named after her/himself? S/he should.]

Nit pickin'

Nit pick 1: Packaging  explains that "gimme5 is our recycling community" and urges the new user to "Enter your rewards code at mygimme5.com". Linking to gimme5.com, however, lands the user on a site that is not gimme5.com. Rather, gimme5.com calls up a bland page that suggests a domain name squatter owns "gimme5.com" (and may be experimenting with "recycling" of her/his own: recycling dollars from gimme5.com's pocket into the pocket of the farsighted person who registered the domain name first and will happily squat on it for as long it it takes).

Nit pick 2: The route to gimme5.com's website is circuitous. 1) the user keys in "mygimme5.com" but lands on Preserve's gimme5 program: "good deeds yield many great returns".

Nit pick 3: gimme5.com displays the de rigeur happy, wholesome, and healthy blond all-'merikan gal wearing a t-shirt and recycling logo.

Nit pick 4: Clicking on any link on the mygimme5.com page lands the user onto  preserveproducts.com: "Nothing wasted. Everything gained." Yet Preserve products does not recycle.  

Nit pick 5: In order to fulfill the promise inherent in my toothbrush I must:

1) join mygimme5.com - or at least enter my rewards code, share my contact info, and be open to receiving more promo material

2) hold onto my toothbrush packaging so that I can mail in this toothbrush and the next one ("Recycle two just like this")

3: not only hold on to 2 toothbrushes to mail but, if I want to reap the reward of launching a Bottleship I must hold on to 6 more used toothbrushes and a plastic bottle to mail. 

Oh, the tangled (world wide) web we weave....

Despite my Nit pickin', I do appreciate that happy, wholesome, healthy, and blond all-'merikan youth still have the entrepreneurial spirit...and that this business model builds in the ability to hold-your-head-up-high (by buying and recycling as opposed to the hang-your-head-in-shame-if-you-understand-the-business-model of traditional corporations like Chevron, etc). Recycling businesses allow entrepreneurs to generate profit from scratching at small corners of the overwhelming pile of plastic trash drowning our planet.

Good on ya, kids.