The Republican Party has put out a call to its constituents for help. It wants their advice as it tries to reshape itself in the face of an overwhelming defeat.
If I were a Republican, here are ten tips I would suggest:
1. Cut and run from the far right, ultra-conservative, self-righteous minority of Republicans who meddle in the private lives of the rest of us while sanctioning homosexuality, out-of-wedlock marriage, and no doubt abortion, in their own families. Let them start their own party and see how many people come.
2. Give Sarah Palin a gift certificate to Neiman Marcus and tell her to take a hike “up there in Alaska.”
3. Find some folks under seventy years old, preferably with some color in their cheeks (and identities), to showcase, and never again trot out the Cheney/Rumsfeld/Rove triumvirate. Their fat lady has sung and she is really off key.
4. Do not name one building, airport, library, bridge or any other edifice after George W. Bush. Unless, of course, it’s a nucular facility.
5. Make sure your next presidential candidate can spell, speak clearly, recognize a malapropism when she sees one and act, with conviction, as if she (or he) actually understood and cared about what was happening.
6. Put away your matches and violins. Washington – and the economy -- have already burned while you guys fiddled. And while you’re at it, take a lesson from Marie Antoinette: never suggest again that the masses can eat cake while the big boys are dining on steak.
7. Give up militaristic words like “winning,” “victory” and “fight.” Try using terms of hope instead of fear. You know, words like “trust” and “together” that suggest unity and not division, words like “you” instead of “I,” words that tell us “Yes, we can.” Say them in a way that makes you credible. (I know it’s difficult.) And please, put an end to smear tactics, racial innuendo, cultural condemnation and outright lies.
8. Choose candidates who not only know how to connect with hysterical crowds but who can also demonstrate some connection to their wives and kids. Try to avoid catatonic women and snowmobiling dudes in prospective first mates. And do remember that while pillow talk is inevitable, spouses should not be privy to official communications.
9. Look for a man-on-the-street who really is what he says he is. And for God’s sake, don’t take him on the campaign trail with you or encourage him to get a publicist.
10. Put your finger on the pulse of the real America. Recognize that our demographics are changing as we age and diversify. Understand that a new generation – one that is Internet savvy, socially responsible, and has a wider worldview – matters. Look forward and not back. Remember and embrace the fact that we are a true democracy, not just rhetorically but in spirit and deed. Know that the world watches and they haven’t liked what they’ve seen from your quarters. Think about what just happened here and why it so moved individuals, communities and nations. Ask yourselves who you really are. Write down three things you stand for. If the words “intelligence,” “integrity” and “conscience” don’t come to mind, think again. Remember how much is riding on this: You may never have another crack at the gold ring and that would belie everything Barack Obama’s election stands for.
