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The unifying language |
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1. How about the fact that tens of millions of Americans have no health insurance? Better put that one off for now - that would really cost us some serious money. We cut taxes, not raise them.
2. Maybe do something about the problem of gun violence? It's a little embarrassing that we kill nearly as many people with guns as the rest of the world combined. Better leave that one alone as long as the checks keep coming in from the NRA.
3. How about showing some interest in ending the war in Iraq - given that that there is no evidence that the reasons we destroyed their country stand up to the light of day. No - we have to stay the course. Bush says so. We'll just keep sending photos of the "Unity Government" members all in those reassuring black business suits and place them on CNN and Fox News.
4. Maybe we could actually do something about energy. All of those millions of people who bought gas-guzzling SUVs in deliberate contempt of the environment are in pain. Can you feel their pain? No easy solution on that one either, except for destroying the last bit of Alaska that hasn't yet been exploited.
5. I've got it. Pass a law delaring English the official language of the United States. Brilliant! This ends centuries of confusion about what language we actually speak in this country. Making this decree won't cause our taxes to go up. The people in our base can move from being smug to being Officially Smug.
In honor of this courageous and farsighted move, I plan to continue writing this blog in English. However, I am warning the Senate that the following scenario may play out: When Bush signs the bill, he will add one of his famous disclaimers. It will read as follows:
"Words that the President of the United States invents are, by definition, part of the English language." If you didn't think I could see this coming, then you just misunderestimated me.
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Terry Ballard Social Media Pages: 
Terry Ballard was a native of Phoenix, Arizona until he made a wrong turn in 1990 - he has been living on Long Island ever since. His chief regret in life is that he does not have the option to live on some other planet.
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