Diary: Extreme Makeover: How does one turn a house into a home?

Hey, guys, there's nothing wrong with my place that a little ghost-busting wouldn't fix. Or maybe a LOT of ghost-busting. The actual physical structure is okay. Well, maybe the roof leaks a little but...

The furniture is not all that bad.

I got original art on the walls.

The landlord promised me a new rug next month. The rent's cheap. The location is good. But I've lived here for 26 years and, well, I still don't feel at home.

This place needs to be exorcised. I think that Satan lives in the sheet-rock. Does anybody have any ideas?

PS: The White House needs an extreme makeover too. It too is haunted -- but by the ghosts of all the millions of people who have been tortured and napalmed and starved to death in Vietnam, Cambodia, East Timur, Latin America, Palestine, Iraq and Africa in the name of "capitalism" -- which isn't even capitalism at all but only the gang name used by an all-too-long list of soulless corporations who could not exist if they didn't get us taxpayers to balance their budgets.

The greedy occupants of the White House have blood on their hands. And the souls of the hungry ghosts they are responsible for killing need to be appeased, honored and finally put to rest if America is ever to be a great country again.