As of today, OEN will no longer tolerate text that any one individual finds amusing or may be deemed humorous. All suspect prose will be scrutinized by a panel of experts, both with and without senses of humor, and if deemed funny in any fashion, will be deleted from the site, burned, then stored in a toxic waste facility in Utah for future generations to breathe deeply as at that time, human beings will really need a good laugh.
Obviously, we're not there yet. This world is still too knee-slapping funny for words, and since there is such a plethora of laughing, grinning, snorting and chortling going on with impunity, we, at OEN will refrain from adding to any additional pleasure in this overly happy-go-lucky universe. We will not be a party to any such merry-making for fear of alienating those who find humor to be humorless.
Suggested reading for those who at any cost refuse to crack a grin: any book by South African writer J.M. Coetzee (my personal favorite) including, Disgrace, Waiting for the Barbarians, The Life and Times of Michael K. If you are on the verge of smirking, just read any passage from one of these tomes and it'll wipe the smirk right off of your face.
Suggested films for those who fear they may laugh in the following weeks or months to come: Sophie's Choice, Hotel Rwanda, The Deer Hunter, Platoon, Tax Driver, The Sweet Hereafter, Dead Man Walking, Mystic River, 21-Grams, Talk to Her.
Songs to make you weep or contemplate drastic actions: any Neal Diamond hit or The Best of The Captain and Tennille (sorry if I've mispelled.)
Please feel free to add your suggestions here.
Remember, you'll be duly punished if you even think about adding any flippant comment, joke, or snide remark in the body of your article, so have a panel of perpetually unfunny, humorless friends and neighbors edit your work before submitting to the OEN submission queue.
Have a nice day. Well, not really.
The opinion expressed is soley that of the writer as at 4:43 p.m. Central Time, she lost her sense of humor and has not yet found where it is hiding.
