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May 16, 2007 at 15:03:07     Permalink Gays Grieve Falwell Diary Entry by Lee Patton (about the author)

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Satirical fake news story outing Jerry Falwell upon his timely death.

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Found in the Lynchburg Gazette, a Fox-Murdoch paper, so it must be fair and balanced:

Along with all of America, gay icon Twinky Winky grieves death of Jerry Falwell. “He had the cutest lavender purse,” Mr. Winky remembered between bouts of tears. “And he was always the first to spring it open to pay for drinks all around at the Stud, the Ram, and the Man Hole, our favorite watering holes in D.C. and Lynchburg.”

“We called him Aunt Jerrimima,” said Phyllis Bilitis, one of the Lesbians Falwell held responsible for the religious-fanatic attack on the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. “Those outrageous anti-gay accusations? They were just a ruse,” Ms. Bilitis continued, growing misty. “The Reverend was only trying to stir up public debate, as he himself often said.”

“His crazy comments were a back-door assault,” Mr. Winky said “on bigotry. Reverend Falwell actually meant to illustrate the absurdity of anti-gay extremism. Queer as a purple plush toy himself, his whole career was a courageous work of performance art.”

“The whole ‘Reverend’ act was a huge boner,” Ms. Bilitis added. “Jerry wanted nothing more than to destroy the credibility of narrow-minded Biblical literalists.”

“Which Aunt Jerrimima almost accomplished,” Mr. Winky said, “single-handedly.”

 

 

Lee Patton, a Denverite, writes fiction, drama, poetry and nonfiction.

 

 
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