Washington DC, (EBBQ) Like each of the 43 presidents before him, Barack Obama has chosen which sport will become his — basketball. When asked, the president-elect said, "this is not just any old TV-watching, couch-potato type of basketball. Not at all.
"I am down for the half-court six-player game usually referred to as "three-on-three" basketball." As an afterthought here, he said "This is always played with good friends who make lots of sweat."
So, this is not your college team sport, not your NBA team sport with all the trimmings. Not at all. This is the down-and-dirty southside Chicago street sport played on a park district court, outside preferred. but inside in a wind, rain or snow storm.
A Touch of Presidential Sports History Here
The previous White House tennant seems to have leaned towards baseball, having at one time managed a baseball team until he decided to be governor of Texas. He sold the team for $14 million. Throughout the Dubya years, a number of attempts were made to position the president as sports-oriented. There was the winsomely techie Segway riding episode where he fell off the machine. The classy road biking times when he got lost in the woods. And those memorable Reaganesque bush-wacking days down in Crawford which pitted him against dead scrub trees and bushes that had to be taken out and burned. Not a pretty sport.
Other Republicans – Eisenhower, Nixon, Ford – golf, golf, golf. Good old Gerald Ford absently turned golf into a spectator shooting sport of sorts, which Dick Cheney perfected with shotguns rather than clubs. Reagan, claiming to be a bit older than the others, slept through the sports moments of his administration.
Democrat Bill Clinton did do a lot of golfing in his term, but he mostly mastered jogging and cigar chair sex. FDR was noted for his love of swimming, mostly in Georgia, with his dog, as stories go. Eleanor was not a swimmer. Harry S. Truman was a walker. He walked everywhere he went. He always had the car following him, but walking was his sport. And Jimmy Carter seemed to like walking too, always with a sweater. He liked the extra pockets. The late John F. Kennedy was the first president to practice and perfect the sport of piano bar singing. Especially on his birthdays, which he seemed to be celebrating monthly, usually with Marilyn Monroe. There are one or two instances of JFK out sailing boats that are recorded somewhere, but that was considered a diversionary public relations device.
Every president has tried to like baseball – "America's Sport". Case in point: the whole foggy swamp of Washington DC has had a love/hate affair with its baseball teams. No self-respecting baseball fan has ever wanted to watch a Senator play. They're always acting so old, even when they're young.
Basketball to Solve World Problems
Obama's choice of a "team" sport over a "personal" sport has great implications in world politics. Basketball as a partipation sport in the presidential sense is a global plus. This team sport shows a president who is willing to play both offense and defense. As opposed to "personal" sports like golf, where one person's final score is matched against the next person's. And the loser has to buy drinks.
Here, Obama shows his ability to deal with world politics as the Big Basketball Game. The new presidential basketball court will be used for every visiting foreign head of state as a measure to how the USA will deal with world problems. Off-days, the court will be set aside for Congress to solve national and local problems.
A Presidential commission has been appointed to write new rules for playing these basketball games to conclude any and all regional and international negotiations.
• Around the World – Two or more. A series of shots must be made to win.
• King of the Court – Good for groups. A one-on-one always occurring on the half-court at any time.
• War – Allows three or more teams to compete in the same game.
• Firing Squad – Variation of "Around the World". There are no teams.
• H-O-R-S-E – No player defense allowed. The object is to not accrue the five letters in the word "horse".
To increase the popularity of the use of pickup basketball throughout the world as a problem solver, Mr. Obama has appointed the Harlem Globetrotters as world-wide ambassadors of the sport.
"I think that to get the world to put some skin on the game, the Globetrotters will be very effective in bringing change. I can't wait to drop those boys into Gaza for some good old-time basketball moments of dribbling under the legs and spinning the ball on one finger.I plan to put the Globetrotters onto the court with Hamas, Hezbollah and the Kineset for a little bit of "Firing Squad" and "H-O-R-S-E". I just know that they will come out of that with a new view of their situation.
"That's only the beginning, folks. We have some really marvelous ideas of using 'King of the Court' in the situation presently happening in Afghanistan. Each warlord will use a Toyota pickup in that pickup game. What a sight it will be. All those trucks dodging around each other while the riding players try to shoot their baskets.
"And on the homefront, we'll get our Congress members onto the courts here with the doctors and hospital CEOs. Those will be some very touchy rules to write, I think. But Rahm is up to it, I know. Thanks for your time, guys. I appreciate all you can do to get basketball into the world view."
And, in an aside, that caught many of the press off-gaurd, Mr. Obama said, "This will be the only court sanctioned in Washington. We will save those billions that are spent every year on that other court in town. We will build our basketball court in that fine building. Those old boys can all go home now."
