Bush Calls for an Amendment to Ban Democrats

(a satire)

by Patricia Ernest

 OpEdNews.com

Today, President bush called for an amendment to the U.S. Constitution.  He wants to ban Democrats.  The President said that it was unnatural for people to be Democrats or even act democratic.  He stated that nowhere in the bible was there any mention of Democrats and/or their perverted fair and free life styles.  The President feels that if Democrats are allowed to exist, they will continue to want to have opinions and be involved in the business of the government.   He said that the Democrats keep demanding honesty, accountability and, to quote the President, "all that other silly stuff that gives me a rash on my you know what."   

The President has been hinting that he was against Democrats for some time, but now that he sees the very good possibility that a Democrat could best him in the 2004 election, he feels it is time to take a stand.   When questioned about his decision on this matter, bush told reporters that he sees Democrats and a democratic government as being the biggest obstacles in his quest for his very own kingdom.  He said it was because of Democrats that he has had to waste so much of his time hiding from the truth.  The President seems to feel that if all Americans were Republicans, he could just do exactly as he pleased and never have to worry about covering up any and all of his activities.  

Bush cited as an example the questions about his time served in the Guard.  The President said that if it were not for Democrats and all their questions, he could be declared a Viet Nam war hero too.    He pointed out that the only reason Sen. Kerry is considered a hero is because Democrats have called him one.  The President expressed it this way.  "The only difference between Sen. Kerry and me is that I stayed home and he went to Viet Nam.  He was injured in battle, saved some lives etc.  Big deal!   I sat in a cockpit of a jet and worked on a political campaign in Alabama."  At this point the President exploded with pride.

Later, after the President had recuperated from his ego inspired explosion, he went on to explain why he felt that the Constitutional amendment was necessary at this time.  Mr. bush stated that almost everything he said or did had been questioned as suspect by the Democrats.  He said that not one good Republican has ever questioned any of his decisions.  He said,  "It's those gosh danged Democrats that are a real burr under my saddle."  There is no known evidence that Mr. bush owns a saddle.   His wry sense of humor, as always, went unappreciated.  When no one laughed, Mr. bush quickly accused all in attendance of being, "Democratic wise men."  Someone whispered something into the president's ear, and then Mr. bush added, "Ummm, I meant Democratic wise guys."   

Then came the President's harshest words about Democrats.   Mr. bush said,  "The bible talks about Adam and Eve, not Democrats and guys named Steve."  Mr. bush appeared to take a great deal of pride in the cleverness of his statement.  Those in attendance feared Mr. bush would experience another ego explosion.  He went on to say that being a Democrat was not natural and could be corrected by believing in God.  He said that if a Democrat would confess their sins to his God, they could be saved.   When asked if there was room for any god but his, Mr. bush snickered and replied, "Why would there need to be?  My God is the only one I need to justify my auctions, uh actions."  When Mr. bush was asked if he considered himself to be God, he said that he was forming a committee to look into that possibility.

Mr. bush proclaimed that after his amendment is added to the Constitution, anyone who hides a Democrat, or even feeds a Democrat will be as guilty as a Democrat.  He said that he will hunt down Democrats no matter where they hide.  He said he will find them one at a time.  When asked why only one at a time, Mr. bush looked confused and perplexed.  Then Mr. bush continued.  He said that he will produce a deck of cards showing the faces of well known Democratic leaders.  "No", he stated, "Tom Daschle's face will not appear on any of the cards in the deck."  These decks of cards will be passed out to all Republicans and the government will pay a reward for every Democrat captured.  The funds to cover these rewards will be made available compliments of Halliburton.

Mr. bush seemed to feel it was extremely important to let Democrats know he was wise to their plans and that he would do everything in his power and beyond to see that the United States would never again be referred to as a land of democracy, or a country with a democratic government.   Mr. bush left no doubt that he holds all Democrats responsible for creating the yoke of democracy that he feels to be his own personal burden.   If he succeeds with his plans, democracy will become a thing of the past.  The question that remains is how long will it take him to reach his goal.  How long will democracy exist?  If Mr. bush bans Democrats because he views them to be obstacles in his quest for his very own kingdom, how long will it be before Mr. bush bans the most formidable obstacle of all, the entire US Constitution?  When asked about this possibility, Mr. bush replied, " Ah shucks, now you've spoiled my surprise."

patricia

Patricia Ernest,  nesters@bellsouth.net gives us this bio:

I write about what matters to me and what I believe should matter to you.  If you read what I write you will know who I am.