December 19, 2008 at 21:28:21

the Rantibus - Joe Six-Pack Interview

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By Braun McAsh (about the author) Page 1 of 3 page(s)

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For OpEdNews: Braun McAsh - Writer

(Author's note: This article originally ran on my web blog, I,Rantibus during the election campaign. However, with the re-emergence of the publicity-starved Joe the Plumber returning to recant, pontificate and otherwise befoul the public airwaves and daily fish-wraps, I thought it might be timely. )

Rantibus: Good Evening, Mr. Six-Pack. Welcome to the show.

Joe Six-Pack: How ya doin'? Pleasure to be here.

Rantibus: First, let's just set the record straight. Your name isn't really Joe Six-Pack.

Joe: Sure it is. It's an old Indian name on my great-grandmother's side... Nah, just kidding... My real name is Arnie Schiezenkampf.

Rantibus: So you took the nom de plume Joe Six-Pack to assume the mantle of Everyman, to symbolically represent the average working American?

Joe: No, I took it 'cause it sounds better than Arnie Schiezenkampf.

Rantibus: And you shaved your head to emulate and show solidarity with Joe the Plumber?

Joe: Actually, I did it 'cause the comb-over just wasn't workin' any more. Made my head look like a giant spider'd latched onto it.

Rantibus: Why exactly did you decide to become a spokesman for working class America?

Joe: For the publicity. Hell, it ain't like I'm doing anything else. I mean, look at this Joe the Plumber guy. One day he's just an unlicensed plumber who owes back taxes, then he talks to Senator Obama for two minutes and next thing you know he's some kinda middle-class icon. Ya think he'da gotten that kind of ink if he'd have just stuck to cleaning out sink traps?

Rantibus: That seems a bit cynical. Surely a person like you who works hard for his living might have some advice, some unfettered common sense to impart to the leaders of this nation?

Joe: Like? Look, Mr. Rantibus, can I be frank?

Rantibus: I thought you were Arnie.

Joe: Oh, hah, hah...Ok, ya got me. But seriously, look at me. I barely graduated high school, I worked in a factory screwing the second left widget on a do-hickey 'till they outsourced my job to Crapistan, and for the last couple of years I been working part-time hanging dry-wall and bagging groceries on the night shift at Farmer Jack's. I never been out of the country - hell, I never even been more than three states away in any direction,. I've never served in uniform. I got no health insurance and my life savings are probably less than what you got on you now. Why the hell would anyone think I had anything important to say about national and international issues? And don't give me this "common sense" bulls__t, pardon my French. It's people like me that re-elected George W. Bush. We're the ones that took the $150,000 loans from Fannie Pack and Freddie Jerk to buy houses when we were unemployed and couldn't afford when we were. Some of us still believe Saddam Hussien had somethin' to do with 9-11. You oughta be damn glad that the "average" Joe Six-Pack doesn't have more influence in government.

Rantibus: Why is that?

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www.I, Rantibus.com

F. Braun McAsh has been a professional actor and fight choreographer since 1976. He is also a published writer and author. He is best known as the Swordmaster for the TV series "Highlander" and the 4th movie, "Highlander:Endgame." In October of (more...)

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