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When Appliances Attack or Why I Kicked the Dishwasher

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Don't laugh!  Okay, you will anyway.

My daughter shook her head in bewilderment and said, "I don't know how you can get so angry at an inanimate object!"

"It's easy," I yelled.  "These stupid, mudderf*$*in' things aren't worth jack, and they're out to get us."

This sent her into gales of laughter, and me to the computer keyboard.

Through her laugh spasms she said, "They're not out to get you.  They're things.  They're stuff.  They can't "get you."

Oh, yes they can, "I told her.  They're evil, vicious monsters designed with built in intend."

We're surrounded by things.  Things that we're promised will make our lives easier.  Things we can't live without.  Of course, those promises are made by people who want to make money by telling us we can't live without whatever they're selling to make our lives easier that we can't live without.

Somewhere along the line we get confused by over-exaggerated advertizements and the product itself.  When we're told there is built-in excellence, silly us, we believe it.  We expect it.

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This whole thing got kicked off when I was filling the dishwasher and started a rant on what a lousy piece of junk this quite new appliance is, and oh how I'd love to have back the original dishwasher that came with the house.  That one lasted for years and years, worked day after day without complaint until after about fifteen years it finally got too old and too tired to function any longer.

It dried the dishes; the new ones don't.  I could cram it with half the dishes in the cabinets and throw in a few pots for good measure; can't do that with the new ones.  There was always room for "one more thing."  No matter how jammed the old one was, the dishes came out clean.  Doesn't happen with the new one.  Every dish, every pot, every pan needs its own little place of breathing room or it won't come clean. 

So the old one didn't have a digital timer to make it go on two hours after it's set, but you could stop it at any point, turn the dial and move it into any cycle of your choosing.  So it was a little noisy; it wasn't that noisy to be a nuisance.

It's not just this dishwasher, the fourth one I've purchased in two years.  I returned the first three because they were all $800 plus 8.25 percent tax pieces of junk that didn't live up to their promises.  If you don't think it isn't a bunch of trouble to return a dishwasher, you have another think coming.

The same thing happened with refrigerators.  After sending two different models back to Sear's they told me never to darken their door again. 

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Well, screw you Sear's.  I can go to either of the huge box stores that are steps from your store, and be treated badly, for less money and they deliver the next day, you don't...so there.

I could be called picky, but when I spend a lot of money on an appliance, I expect it to work for a long time...like maybe a week or two before the ice maker goes kablooey, or the washer stops going through the spin cycle, or a cup put in the wrong place on the upper dishwasher rack makes the upper washer arm work under noisy protest.

I don't think I -- or anyone -- should have to say that's acceptable, and live with these things not working the way they should.

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Sandy Sand began her writing career while raising three children and doing public relations work for Women's American ORT (Organization for Rehabilitation through Training). That led to a job as a reporter for the San Fernando Valley Chronicle, a (more...)

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Sandy, I am an engineer and I know. That is called... by Mark Sashine on Monday, Oct 8, 2007 at 8:58:53 AM
Mark, I have no idea how many flashlights you'... by Sandy Sand on Monday, Oct 8, 2007 at 9:50:50 AM
is eternal and I bet if you call him on the show a... by Mark Sashine on Monday, Oct 8, 2007 at 10:08:12 AM
...a PI number?  I should probably know, but ... by Sandy Sand on Monday, Oct 8, 2007 at 10:41:16 AM
It is a ratio of the circle circumference to iits ... by Mark Sashine on Monday, Oct 8, 2007 at 10:53:11 AM
...Pi R squared, as in basic algebra 101 for dummi... by Sandy Sand on Monday, Oct 8, 2007 at 1:39:38 PM
My wife is a math teacher -well used to be.  ... by C.Bid on Monday, Oct 8, 2007 at 2:23:57 PM
Too funny, dude.The tattoos are in 'distractio... by Sandy Sand on Monday, Oct 8, 2007 at 2:57:58 PM
Inkling, huh?Prosit,Bid... by C.Bid on Monday, Oct 8, 2007 at 3:35:38 PM
But in all fairness we have to say that there is... by Pappy on Monday, Oct 8, 2007 at 5:40:47 PM
Cures for disease.  Ever wonder why there'... by C.Bid on Monday, Oct 8, 2007 at 6:02:54 PM
I've been contemplating replacing our 13-year ... by lwarman on Tuesday, Oct 9, 2007 at 8:57:16 AM
My dishwasher is over 50 yo breaks down rgularly a... by Andris on Wednesday, Oct 10, 2007 at 12:00:05 AM