And two states that have been cited for defying the Democratic Leadership, Florida and Michigan, plan on holding their primary the second Tuesday of December.
The early states that in addition to South Carolina, Michigan, and Florida include Nevada and New Hampshire seem content to compete against themselves to see who can have their primary the earliest. New Hampshire is already planning to move theirs Christmas Day after Iowa chose to move there's to just two days after New Year's Day. If the O'Reilly and Gibson though a war on Christmas was being waged, prepare for liberalism to really grab Kris Kringle by the balls.
In fact, Nevada would like to have their primary next week if possible. The state feels that it is ready to mobilize now if the leadership from the Republican and Democratic Party agree to do so.
And why not? After all, the situation is as follows.
The campaigns have been in full swing since spring. One might think this year was the election year and that we really are voting on the first Tuesday in November of this year for the next president.
These debates have become largely repetitive. It’s obvious where each candidate stands. Candidates repeat themselves and/or try to be increasingly absurd so they can get campaign attention. Chris Dodd carries a pet fly with him. Dennis Kucinich stuffs his pockets with anything to pull out and show the American people. Edwards is struggling to figure out how to pay for his haircut and his campaign. And Barack and Hillary continue to think of ways to confuse us by being as friendly as possible.
The money is in for this quarter and Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are both nearing 100 million while the others sit at the bottom struggling to get anywhere near the amount of funds Barack and Hillary are gaining. So, we know they will be spending those on negative campaign ads to make us see that Hillary is bad and Barack is bad. We won’t know why either of them is good but in the end, they both will be better than any Republicans.
Republicans are ready for the election now. If this election goes any longer, they will be further demoralized and will have to witness more losses incurred for their party. The party can barely gain momentum what with this war without end, Blackwater, broken government, and absence of wedge issues because each candidate has liberal stances on gun control, abortion, gay marriage, etc. So, what is there to talk about? Basically, in the debates they just talk about checking with their attorneys on whether or not to go to war. They’ve been reduced to pleading the fifth before either of them gets sworn in.
And that Ron Paul guy. Man, they can’t wait to get him out of here. If there’s anything they don’t need, it’s a straight talking anti-government fiscally conservative and responsible and not-so-ideological mind who just believes in what is. They remember the last time Bill Clinton tried to get them to understand the meaning of “is” and really they don’t want to go back to those days since that was the beginning of the end.
The media has chosen our candidates and so has our Democratic and Republican Leadership. The establishment and businesses have donated to PACs and as bundlers or individuals have told us they’ve been part of a groundbreaking “grassroots movement” yet all of us who are members of the working poor, middle class, indigenous, women, black, Latino, GLBT, and other groups who get ignored and disrespected in America are looking around wondering how that’s possible when we have yet to drop a penny on any of these losers.
And the candidates who are worth donating to aren’t even polling above 1%. Like we can really show blind faith and support someone? Our homes will foreclose and we’ll have to file bankruptcy again and we won’t be able to go get our STDs, weight problems, mental disorders, and cancers treated and we won’t be able to consume food and go shopping for video games and designer clothing and IPhones and IPods or the next greatest gadget.
What more, Diebold and others supplying voting machines would like to go now before anyone checks their latest voting machines out. These ones actually vote the opposite of what people vote and every 100th vote isn't counted. But if caught, they won't be able to make money off the sweet algorithm they've developed.
Nope it’s clear: Clinton/Obama on the Democratic side and Giuliani/Thompson on the Republican side.
And in a week or two following "our election," the media will have decided who will win between those two pairs and we’ll all be ready for our next four years of totalitarian rule to commense.
This satirical piece has been brought to you by one conscience American. Beware of us because if multiple conscience Americans (like 1,000 of us) ever organize together in one room, the world will become a different and better place.