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Bush's Next Speech

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Ladies and gentleone's. Glad ya could make it. Want ta talk to you about healthcare.

It's important. Everyone needs your health. Without it, what can you do. And with it, there are only limitations, which means you can do anything.

Some people say its not hard work. But you know how I feel about that. It is hard work. And you know I am President. What does a President do? I make decisions. I lead. I am a diversion. And I am a leader. I love that part of me. I just get up every morning and I lead.

I didn 't come here today to talk about me. I came to talk about me. Your health insurance.

Right now many people think they have no health insurance, because it 's too expensive. They 're wrong. Americans want to own things. We've proven this throughout the ages. No matter what your age is. Young and old. And everyone in between. Including the baby bloomers, who are only now coming of birth.

I've developed the ownership society. That 's what I call it. Americans own more homes than they can handle. Especially, the rich are no exception, even you.


I want you to own your health. So I have decided to pick out Health Savings Accounts. These are accounts where you can put your own hard earned pennies apart and save 'em all up. When you have 'em all saved you can hand 'em right over to the docs. It's your own money. Because you own it.

But when you give it all to the docs it will be owned by the docs. And guess what? You get a tax savings. That 's right. It 's special. After you get the tax savings along with the right to pay the docs you will have nothing. It will be like a zero account balance where you have a clean slate when you are broke.

Plus, the docs get a tax break on your money because they own the business. So you get a tax break. And then your money gets another tax break when the docs spend it. Then I take all the tax money you gave and I give it back to everybody. This includes you. That 's right. You. Wherever your money goes it keeps getting a tax break. When it 's all gone we give it to the Defense Department. They then fly over to Iraq and give it to the Iraqis and to Halliburton where it is spread out evenly. Iraqi truck drivers get fifty cents an hour and the Halluburton guys get $100,000 a year. That 's why the Iraqis want "freedom and democracy ". It pays better. Anyway, your money is safe with me. So sign up for a Health Saving Account and watch it grow with me.

And I have some icing on the cake for you. No one is going to escape bankruptcy. When you don 't own anything anymore we are not going to let those who do escape with anything. They have to pay back what they can, cause its only fair. If you are sick and have nothing, then is the time to help. So help yourself to hard work. It 's neighbor helping neighbor.

That 's why I 'm not helping out in New Orleans. Those people just need a little encouragement and encouragement is free. So they don 't get any money. It 's like tough love or like hard luck. So you have your choice. Love or luck. Everyone wants it when they get it but don 't know it. That 's why I 'm President. To figure things out like this. I like hard work and I'm your President. And I 'll work right along with you, but don 't come too close because we can work apart like Republicans or we can work alone like Liberals, so lets separate the two for the benefit of all Americans, not like them.

And if we get too close people will talk. They 'll think we 're gay. And I 'm for the sanctity of marriage, so let 's keep our distance and play it safe. Do it for the Constitution. It 's America. Not the liberals.

There is too much bi-partisanshit in Washington and we 're gonna clean it up. I know all about the lobbies. The hotel lobbies are the worst. Ya just stand in the lobby and nothing ever happens, except you get to check into your room. It 's gonna stop. There 's 14,000 lobbyists in Washington and I don 't know one of them. And only one. And his name isn 't Jack, as in Jack Abraham. I swear that isn 't me with him in the picture. It 's a look alike. Maybe its Jeb. But he helped me out in the 2000 election, so I 'll let him slide. I 'm glad I came here today to level with the American people. They need to be leveled.

And don 't tell me we don 't need a level playing field. It can 't be on a hill or it will slant. For sure. So let 's level it out and all stand straight, not like on a sunken ship tilting into the wind.

This is good.

I like this crowd. Crowds are almost like a lot of people. And this is one of them, for the best.

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This is hilarious! Too bad it is so near the trut... by Anna Mills on Monday, Feb 6, 2006 at 11:37:06 PM