America can do better. That's why I'm here. We can do better. Look at me.
I already came up with a cure for the Bird Flu. Don't touch any birds. That's it. Case closed.
Did ya notice the evildoers are gone. I haven't mentioned 'em since a while because I don't want to scare you until it's time. I traveled up on the pile of rubble and with the bullhorn said, "Let's get da folks who knocked da buildings down". And did we get them. Not on your life. Why kill the goose that is laying the gander. They can lead us to others. And those others will lead us to still others. And then even more. Kind of like how Mary Kay Cosmetics works. So if ya know a terrorist don't turn him in. Just follow him. And let me know. Dial 1-800-Hi.It's Me I'm At The White House, and then leave a message. My secret code is #2. That will get ya right ta me.
Did we know 9/11 was going to happen? You bet your bottom dollar. And I can prove it. Condi told me she had a memo that said they were comin' with planes and they will fly into our buildings. And they flew in. I knew it. I said to her, "Holy sh*t". So we went on vacation 'cause it's stressful knowin' stuff like that. So you're either with me, or I'm against you, as they say. And it happened. Just like that. Poooof. It's nice being right but ya don't want to get caught at it too many times.
Don't listen to the Liberals because they know what they are talkin' about and that's the last thing we need right now. We need to shoot from the hip because we're not going to hit anything anyway. So why aim our sights on anything. It's fruitfuless.
The liberals will just take us down the path to sanity. Is that what you want? No. I didn't think so. We've been down the path of sanity before. Did it work out? You bet your bottom dollar it did. So why do it. They only have solutions. They never have any problems. America isn't like that. We always go for the goal. And after the goal we go for the neck..
I've been your President for five odd years now, or thereabouts. And remember what I said before I said all this. I'm not a divider. I'm a tire. When I took over this nation it was one. But I made it diverse. I brought it together into many. Some will tell you I can't divide. But I can. I'm a tire. Tires bridge people together into a single string. I'm the bridge and you're the string. End of discussion.
All the liberals want to do is complain and have peace and balance the budget, and have prosperous times. We can do better than that. We can have our cake and eat me too. Better to spend a dollar now than have a dime saved in the future when inflation deflates it into a nickel. They can chew on that.
Liberals want to redefine marriage. I believe marriage is between a man and a woman. Marriage is like a coin. You have two sides: heads and tails. That's marriage. Men are the heads and women are the tails. So let's flip the coin. There. See. It came up heads. Now I'll flip it again. Whoops. It came up heads again. It's suppose to come up tails. It tried this at home and it worked there. Anyway, don't be a one-sided coin. God started marriage. Why screw it up now. Marriage goes back millions of years, before evolution. That's my stand.
If my son was gay I'd still love him. But I wouldn't shake his hand. Everyone's gotta draw the line somewhere. Someone in my office has a lesbian daughter. I've never met a lesbian who wasn't a daughter. So how bad can it be. It's Dick Cheney. Sen. Kerry let that cat out of the bag, so I didn't say it first. Nuff said.
Let's talk about cloning. Cloning destroys life. If there was two of you it would destroy life. I'm for life. Clones are against life. Don't be a clone. Be regular. Clones are like gays. It's not normal. So let's not do it. If God wanted more than one person he would have created more. God didn't want clones around. It's too many. It's almost two of the same person. It's like looking in a mirror, so don't. People are different so we might as well keep them the same. That's why I'm not a divider. I'm a tire. And remember your one times table. One times one equals two. If we go beyond that we are in unchartered territory. Clones. So let's move on together, as one.
As you know, me and my bride, Laura had twins. We only had sex once but two people popped out. Figure that one out. Anyway, twins are not clones. My twins don't even look alike so they are two different people. Some twins look alike. That's called identical. That's not clones. So don't confuse the two or you'll never tell them apart. Clones are separate. They are two different people. Twins are identical. So they are not. Let's move on so we can discuss a lot more and wrap this up in its entirety.
Americans are the most conductive workers in the world. It's called conductivity. High is good. Low is bad. So just remember that. Ford just laid a lot of people. Some say 30,000 people got laid. Some say more. As the amount of people go down, conductivity goes up. Before Ford became a car he was a person and he was very conductive because he had no people. He didn't even have his assembly line or mass conduction. Then he started hiring people. Things went downhill. And he started the famous Ford assembly line. Conductivity started going down. And people started buying lots of cars so he hired more people. It got worse and worse. Every time he hired more people, he sold more cars. He wasn't a good businessman, like me.
So where did Ford end up. Down, that's were. But he smartened up; or smartened down, always in the right direction. Now he's doing fine. Laying off lots of people. Sending 'em to China, India, and Indiana. Overseas. Ford has a long way to go before it becomes conductive again. It still has 130,000 employees that have to get laid and then that will be the last of it. We can't compete with China. They have over one billion Chinese. We only have a few and they live in Chinatown. Some of them are software programmers and the rest deliver food. How can we compete with that? It's easy. And we'll never do it. It's hard work. We can do it. So hop on the board. With me. Your President. I've got it all figured out. If you can't trust your President who can you trust him for? Tell me that.
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