As the Republicans begin to hyperventilate today over the most recent scandals rocking their party, I want you to remember that I am predicting they will do nothing but blame the Democrats and the media.

James Dobson, the vitriolic hater-in-chief at Hocus-Pocus on the Family, has already keyed in the Republican catch-phrase "news media" in a paranoid indictment of this establishment for electioneering. The same news media that made John Kerry's slip of tongue front-page fodder for nearly a week?

The latest foppery, I mean flappery, flap...the latest flap blowing in the closet, uh, in the wind for Republicans is another gay scandal. I mean if you're a Republican, you gotta be of the opinion that Rev. Ted Haggard basically sucks. He's the National Association of Evangelicals sucker-in-chief.

Haggard, as you well know, was a leading proponent to crucify homosexuals. Just like Mark Foley, Rush Limbaugh and every other bombastic hate-monger on the right, Haggard practices what he preaches against. Yesterday Mike Jones, a former male prostitute broke client confidentiality privileges and blew Haggard's...cover. Jones revealed that for three years he and Haggard frolicked around in bed together like a pair of schoolgirls.

Haggard was the pastor at a mega church in Colorado Springs, which ritualistically attacks gays and wages political campaigns through code words and close ties to Bush and his corporate agenda. Over 14,000 members attended this church through the three years of thick or thin for Haggard, whichever Jones happened to be.

Think about that. Every Sunday for three years Haggard woke up and washed the filthy "sin" off his body and then stood before 14,000 devoted emulators of his behavior and advised them to let vindictive hate for homosexuals corrode their souls. Evangelical leaders have used homosexuals as the battering ram for their closeted corporate agenda via political ties to President Bush.

Faith isn't a matter of pasting a Jesus fish on your bumper, attending a no-effort sermon once a week, laughing at dirty jokes with other church members and making it through life on the drug of hate. Hypocrite by hypocrite it becomes more evident that it's also not about having closeted gay relationships on Saturday night and hating gays on Sunday morning.

Rev. Ted Haggard has proved my hypocrite theory. He talked to President Bush every Monday and both helped design distraction campaigns cloaked as attacks on gay marriage designed to feed hatred for gays smoldering in the hearts of closeted gays like Ted Haggard. While closeted gays everywhere voted for closeted homosexual Republicans, the corporate wolf terrorized the hen house of our government.

When it comes to sex and drugs in politics, I have used several prominent examples to advance my theory that the most outspoken critics are the most likely to be participants in the very behavior they preach against.

Rush Limbaugh, Mark Foley, Newt Gingrich, Rudy Giuliani and swarms of other pro-family values Republicans have made a career of disloyal lust, drug use or pedophilia. The only problem is they tout the most extreme social intervention ideology of the Republican Party. Friends, it's all a cover for their corporate (Halliburton) agenda.

See my blog for more fun-filled insight into Congress's recent termination of the only watchdog department standing between KBR Inc. (Halliburton) and all out war profiteering. (thedeansoffice.blogspot.com)