DATLEXIA

Many people suffer from dyslexia, mixing up letters and numbers in their mind. Despite this handicap many have led successful lives. What's more difficult to understand is how George W. Bush has become so successful, even though suffering from datlexia.

What's datlexia? It's similar to dyslexia, but instead of inverting letter and number sequences you invert reality. That way killing thousands of people becomes the road to peace. Democracy means establishing a government that you want and if it doesn't do your bidding you merely impose another one until it does. That sort of thing.

Through the lens of datlexia one can more easily understand the need for a Department of Homeland Security. Of course if we had a Department of Defense we wouldn't need one, but with datlexia the Department of Defense is an offensive tool. Get it? Therefore we need a new department with which to defend ourselves.

Under a datlexic administration it is also easier to understand that the Department of Interior is there to serve lumber interests, the FDA to serve the pharmaceutical giants, etc. Datlexically it makes perfect sense to get rid of habeas corpus and civil rights in order to protect people's freedom. Uncontrolled wiretapping has no impact on al Qaida. They knew enough to sneak around a long time ago. It does come in handy, I'm sure, for keeping an eye on dissidents and political opponents. That's what a datlexic would call freedom and democracy.

It staggers the mind to fathom how a lightweight like George W. Bush could ascend to the White House, ravage the constitution and the Bill of Rights, start an unprovoked armed occupation of a Middle East country, throw the country into merciless debt, ignore the plight of New Orleans as well as worldwide environmental dangers to but name a few...until you realize that George and all his coconspirators are severely datlexic.

Short of taking drugs or falling down Lewis Caroll's rabbit hole, most of us will never understand the logic behind the actions of this administration. Thank your lucky stars if, as you read this, all the letters appear to be in their correct order. That would indicate that you're not dyslexic. Thank them again if you think taking care of each other's health and well being, forming bonds of understanding with other cultures, and safeguarding the Constitution of the United States is important. That would indicate you're not datlexic either.