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April 14, 2008 at 17:36:16

Netiquette

by Sheila Parks     Page 1 of 2 page(s)

http://www.opednews.com
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1.  PAUSE

If you even think your post - original or response - could be inflammatory, pause before you send it out.  Sometimes the pause might need to be a long one, sometimes short.  Many of us have found it to be a good practice to pass such a post by some trusted friend to get their feedback. It can be useful to pass it by someone not involved in the group post(s) have to do with. It is good to keep the  discussion anonymous - that is, don't use people's names.  Many of us sleep on it, before we send it out or don't send it out.



2.  USE "I" STATEMENTS, NOT "YOU" STATEMENTS. COME FROM YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE

For example, it is better to say," I feel attacked" rather than "You are attacking me."  It can be somewhat easy to make you statements into I statements, e.g."I feel you attacked me"  Try to avoid this pitfall, it is not an I statement.  Making I statements can leave us feeling vulnerable and some people don't like to feel like that. I It is better to talk about what you do, rather than the other person.  Remember how hard it is to change ourselves.  We have a right to say something once, after that it is nagging.  See Trolls, below.
 
3.  IGNORE THE TROLLS

Also can be expressed as, don't get in the soup with someone who is driving you nuts; don't dance with them  - it always takes at least two.  Don't feed the trolls - can be very hard to follow.  Try not to respond to abuse or aggression with more abuse and aggression - this can be very hard.  In the March 2005 issue of Shambhala Sun, Pema Chodron has a wonderful article - "The Courage to Do Nothing".  More insights than the usual articles on this issue.  AA and others say, Don't just do something, sit there.

4.  DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY

Easier said than done. What if the person means it personally?  Even if a flame is meant personally, many of us have found that personal attacks are the sender's modus operandi, and therefore fit into this category of not taking it personally

5.  DON'T ASSUME

Makes an ass out of you and me.  Check it out, with a trusted friend or the sender. Ask an informational question of the sender.

8. FEEDBACK

If you want to give feedback, ask the other person(s) if they want it.  Otherwise, it is an unasked for suggestion. Think and feel how you like those in your own life.  When you feel you must give negative feedback, make it as specific as possible and *always* start off with something very specific and positive, which you absolutely must mean. If someone asks for feedback, ask them what kind would be most helpful for them.

9. MISTAKES

Everyone makes lots of mistakes all the time.  Everyone.  Apologizing is not a weakness, it is a strength.

10.  RACISM, SEXISM, CLASSISM, HETEROSEXISM/HOMOPHOBIA, CLASSISM, AGEISM.......

Although our major goal  (perhaps our only one) is open, fair, honest elections -  we ignore racism, sexism, classism, homophobia, ageism at our own peril.  These isms weaken any of the work we do on elections and must always be considered even as we work toward our major goal. 

These isms are about how the system is set up to disadvantage people - based on the color of our skin, our gender, our class, our sexual orientation, our age...  We are all part of the system and we need to make a commitment to be aware of our own racism, sexism, classism, heterosexism/homophobia, ageism and to move against these ims in ourselves and others in everything we do.  

 1  |  2

 

Sheila Parks, Ed.D. is a researcher, writer and fundraiser who lives in Boston,MA. She is a long time feminist and peace & justice activist/organizer on many issues and has been involved in the current wave of voting rights for six years. She is an advocate for hand-counted paper ballots (HCPB) now.

 

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7 comments

Margaret Bassett is an 86-year old, currently living in senior housing, with a lifelong interest in political conumbrums. She hopes to hold out for one more presidential election. Bachelors from State University of Iowa (1944) and Masters from Roosevelt University (1975) help to unravel important requirements for modern communication. Early introduction to computer science (1966) trumps them. It's payback time. She's been "entitled" so long she hopes to find some good coming off the keyboa...

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Margaret BassettMargaret Bassett is an 86-year old, currently living in senior housing, with a lifelong interest in political conumbrums. She hopes to hold out for one more presidential election. Bachelors from State University of Iowa (1944) and Masters from Roosevelt University (1975) help to unravel important requirements for modern communication. Early introduction to computer science (1966) trumps them. It's payback time. She's been "entitled" so long she hopes to find some good coming off the keyboa...

to see more of bio, click on member name

I've been waiting for this information

Thank you for the right to use it, with attribution.

by Margaret Bassett (19 articles, 1113 quicklinks, 24 diaries, 615 comments) on Tuesday, April 15, 2008 at 2:25:27 PM
 

Sheila Parks, Ed.D. is a researcher, writer and fundraiser who lives in Boston,MA. She is a long time feminist and peace & justice activist/organizer on many issues and has been involved in the current wave of voting rights for six years. She is an advocate for hand-counted paper ballots (HCPB) now.
Sheila ParksSheila Parks, Ed.D. is a researcher, writer and fundraiser who lives in Boston,MA. She is a long time feminist and peace & justice activist/organizer on many issues and has been involved in the current wave of voting rights for six years. She is an advocate for hand-counted paper ballots (HCPB) now.

Thanks

Dear Margaret

I am so glad you find this useful. Nice to meet you

Best,

Sheila

by Sheila Parks (3 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 16 comments) on Wednesday, April 16, 2008 at 9:12:53 PM
 

36 year old Bid rose well above the ignorant environs of his family's upbringing and filled his mind with the extremes of subversive underground counterculture and illegal substances until he wound up sitting naked on the end of his bed in one of his empty rooms of this world, bleeding, and trying to braid a noose to hang himself with out of a trashbag that contained the last of his worldly belongings... Then he cut off all his hair and moved straight away to the wild unknown country where he c...

to see more of bio, click on member name
C.Bid36 year old Bid rose well above the ignorant environs of his family's upbringing and filled his mind with the extremes of subversive underground counterculture and illegal substances until he wound up sitting naked on the end of his bed in one of his empty rooms of this world, bleeding, and trying to braid a noose to hang himself with out of a trashbag that contained the last of his worldly belongings... Then he cut off all his hair and moved straight away to the wild unknown country where he c...

to see more of bio, click on member name

Excellent piece!

We'll all do well to keep re-reading it from time to time as well...  As of late, I've taken a break from commenting on many articles just to break my chain of repetitiveness and negativity!  Although I have always tried to be mindful when making comments -quite often it's a knee-jerk response that slips by and winds up getting posted and subsequently regretted...  When posting comments, we should hold ourselves to a high standard.

And -just like the conventional wisdom of not dialing up people in the middle of the night when you've been drinking... don't forget to stay off the keyboard if you've had a few too!  Sounds silly, but seriously... 

by C.Bid (0 articles, 7 quicklinks, 7 diaries, 570 comments) on Wednesday, April 16, 2008 at 9:46:55 AM
 

Sheila Parks, Ed.D. is a researcher, writer and fundraiser who lives in Boston,MA. She is a long time feminist and peace & justice activist/organizer on many issues and has been involved in the current wave of voting rights for six years. She is an advocate for hand-counted paper ballots (HCPB) now.
Sheila ParksSheila Parks, Ed.D. is a researcher, writer and fundraiser who lives in Boston,MA. She is a long time feminist and peace & justice activist/organizer on many issues and has been involved in the current wave of voting rights for six years. She is an advocate for hand-counted paper ballots (HCPB) now.

Thanks for responding

Dear CBid

Your point about not talking on the phone when having too much too drink is very well taken.

I am so glad you like what I wrote

Best,

Sheila

by Sheila Parks (3 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 16 comments) on Wednesday, April 16, 2008 at 9:15:18 PM
 

In 2004, Rady Ananda began contributing to the Web, as part of the growing community of citizen journalists. Focusing mainly on elections, her blogs also address religious, gender, sexual and racial equality, as well as environmental issues; and are sprinkled with book and film reviews on various topics. She currently serves as a senior editor at OpEdNews.

All material offered here is the property of Rady Ananda, copyright 2006, 2007, 2008. Permission is granted to repost, with...

to see more of bio, click on member name
Rady AnandaIn 2004, Rady Ananda began contributing to the Web, as part of the growing community of citizen journalists. Focusing mainly on elections, her blogs also address religious, gender, sexual and racial equality, as well as environmental issues; and are sprinkled with book and film reviews on various topics. She currently serves as a senior editor at OpEdNews.

All material offered here is the property of Rady Ananda, copyright 2006, 2007, 2008. Permission is granted to repost, with...

to see more of bio, click on member name

TYVM

Sheila ~ these are clearly written and a handy reminder. still wonder about those missing numbers???

by Rady Ananda (78 articles, 219 quicklinks, 17 diaries, 569 comments) on Wednesday, April 16, 2008 at 12:53:49 PM
 

I'm a citizen and resident of Cascadia - a province of the FORMER USA.

*************

Other than that, what is there to say? I don't really matter... My vote doesn't even count. ***
And who really cares what I think! So I'm free to think anything.

***

The broader story: it's NOT about "me" or my ego or seeing my name in print... I'm a fleeting ephemeral whirlwind of energy patterns and I will soon be gone...

It IS about many m...

to see more of bio, click on member name
mrk *I'm a citizen and resident of Cascadia - a province of the FORMER USA.

*************

Other than that, what is there to say? I don't really matter... My vote doesn't even count. ***
And who really cares what I think! So I'm free to think anything.

***

The broader story: it's NOT about "me" or my ego or seeing my name in print... I'm a fleeting ephemeral whirlwind of energy patterns and I will soon be gone...

It IS about many m...

to see more of bio, click on member name

WONDERFUL STUFF!

And THANK YOU for posting it.

I can't tell you how many times I have spent an hour crafting a flaming tirade and then... instead of clicking "Send" - clicked "Delete".

Same action of the thumb... and the feeling of satisfaction... is almost better. 

I even have a post-it note stuck on my computer that says: "The best response is NO response." 

Some wise soul once said: "A wise man knows what to overlook." 

(Hope someone finds something useful in there.)

 

by mrk * (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 294 comments) on Monday, April 21, 2008 at 10:12:47 PM
 

Sheila Parks, Ed.D. is a researcher, writer and fundraiser who lives in Boston,MA. She is a long time feminist and peace & justice activist/organizer on many issues and has been involved in the current wave of voting rights for six years. She is an advocate for hand-counted paper ballots (HCPB) now.
Sheila ParksSheila Parks, Ed.D. is a researcher, writer and fundraiser who lives in Boston,MA. She is a long time feminist and peace & justice activist/organizer on many issues and has been involved in the current wave of voting rights for six years. She is an advocate for hand-counted paper ballots (HCPB) now.

THANKS

Dear mrk

 Thanks for your wonderful comments.

Yes, restraint of pen and tongue and don't just do something, sit there are also two suggestions I like.

 A wise woman too...

Have a miracle filled day

Sheila

by Sheila Parks (3 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 16 comments) on Tuesday, April 22, 2008 at 5:05:13 AM
 

 

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