An old friend sent me something like this, but clearly written mostly with a right wing slant. So I rewrote every one, deleted some and added some to better reflect a more liberal perspective. Feel free to copy and pass on. rob kall www.opednews.com
HILLARY CLINTON: I was shot at by snipers while I helped that 58 year old white chicken wearing a pantsuit cross the road.
BILL CLINTON: I don't know why that chicken was carrying a cigar while crossing the road.
DIEBOLD VOTING MACHINE: There were 200 hundred chickens that crossed the road (from the town of 100 chickens) and they were all Republicans
MAINSTREAM MEDIA The chicken crossed the road with Brittany Spears and a missing Siamese twin, and was almost hit by an SUV pursued by police cars, with helicopters transmitting images of the event.
ALTERNATIVE MEDIA: A chicken, funded by big oil, big Pharma and pork barrel legislation promoted by lobbyists, crossed to the right side of the road.
FOX NEWS: The chicken was obviously a communist chicken. It was red.
LOU DOBBS: The chicken was an illegal alien chicken running across the road to escape capture by the first brigade soldiers protecting America, in violation of Posse Comitatus, thank GOD.
REPUBLICAN PARTY: That chicken crossed the road without photo ID, making it ineligible to vote or cross the road-- and it's name wasn't on the chicken registry either, probably because it was a former prisoner.
JERRY FALWELL: The chicken was run over while crossing the road because it was in a gay marriage and God cursed it.
DECARTES: The chicken crosses the road, therefor it is.
CNN's WOLF BLITZER: The 12 foot tall chicken crossed the road. That's what the GOP tells us and we have no reason to ask any questions or doubt it.
BILL GATES: The road has been optimized so the chicken will cross the road faster and more safely if it uses Windows Vista as it's walking system. If there is a crash, we've made it easy to reboot the chicken. We call it MS egg.
WINDOWS VISTA: First make sure that no other animals are on the road. If there are any, start the next day with a clear road. Then, first, be sure the asphalt is within 60-80 degrees Fahrenheit. Then, call traffic control. Confirm that all lanes are clear for two miles. Feed the chicken the following mix of food. Check the chicken's feet. Yadda Yadda yadda. And then click the right button on the mouse....
APPLE MAC: The chicken crosses the road.
MACHIAVELLI: I helped the chicken cross the road to get its eggs.
DALAI LAMA We must ALL cross the road to be one with the chicken
JESUS It is easier to thread a camel through the eye of a needle than for a wealthy chicken to cross the road.
WOODY ALLEN: My brother thinks he's a chicken, so I help him cross the road, for the eggs.
by rob kall www.opednews.com