Share on Google Plus Share on Twitter Share on Facebook Share on LinkedIn Share on PInterest Share on Fark! Share on Reddit Share on StumbleUpon Tell A Friend 1 (1 Shares)  
Printer Friendly Page Save As Favorite View Favorites View Stats   3 comments

OpEdNews Op Eds

What Goats?

By (about the author)     Permalink       (Page 1 of 1 pages)
Related Topic(s): ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; , Add Tags Add to My Group(s)

Funny 3   Valuable 2   Well Said 1  
View Ratings | Rate It

opednews.com

What Goats?

Glenda Moore

Considering economic models using goats gave me a much better understanding of Enron venture capitalism:

You have two goats. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four goats back, with a tax exemption for five goats. The milk rights of the six goats are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven goats back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight goats, with an option on one more. You sell one goat to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine goats. No balance sheet is provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

With the startling and generous gift of the contents of our Treasury to an unapologetic and unaccountable financial sector on October 1, 2008, I tried to use goats once more to get a little clarity and perspective on what had just happened.

First of all, here's what made all this such a surprise. For years, when we've wanted to fund Head Start, children's healthcare,  higher education, job training programs, or infrastructure maintenance, we've heard endless arguments in Congress concerning the scarcity of funds to pay for these things. We don't even have money for disaster relief, one of the basic services for which taxpayers in any country expect a return on their investment in their government.

So here we thought we hardly had any goats left, let alone enough for everyone to have milk and cheese and cabrito, and we were all going to have to learn to live much more austerely. Then we discovered that we did, have goats, but only very briefly.

We have, or had, as it turns out, 700 billion goats that we did not know about. We never would have known of the existence of this veritable windfall of goats except that the financial sector in this country wanted them. They demanded them, in fact, claiming a complex and dire emergency in which a cataclysmic economic meltdown would occur if we did not turn them over, immediately and without question.

I guess my first question was, "We have 700 BILLION frigging goats?"

Well, not for long. Here's what I understood about these greatly coveted goats of mysterious provenance. If we did not turn them over to the Secretary of the Treasury, who would then distribute them as he saw fit, enabling those with large flocks of dead goats to give us those goats for our live goats, we would never see our live goats again. Not that we'd ever laid eyes on them to start with.

 All of this, of course, is enough to challenge anyone's concept of object permanence.

We have now turned over our goats that we did not know we'd had to companies that say they might rent them back to us sometime in the future, if we have ironclad credit ratings proving we are hard-working and accountable, and responsible with the goats we do have.

What goats?

 

Glenda Moore lives on the Gulf Coast with her two teenagers, two cats, and two Madagascar hissing cockroaches, although she has yet to begin work on an ark. She does not goose-step to calls to march in left/right, partisan, or other types of (more...)
 

Share on Google Plus Submit to Twitter Add this Page to Facebook! Share on LinkedIn Pin It! Add this Page to Fark! Submit to Reddit Submit to Stumble Upon

Go To Commenting
The views expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.

Writers Guidelines

Contact Author Contact Editor View Authors' Articles

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

What Goats?

Comments

The time limit for entering new comments on this article has expired.

This limit can be removed. Our paid membership program is designed to give you many benefits, such as removing this time limit. To learn more, please click here.

Comments: Expand   Shrink   Hide  
3 people are discussing this page, with 3 comments
To view all comments:
Expand Comments
(Or you can set your preferences to show all comments, always)
Too true and very funny.... by martinweiss on Monday, Oct 13, 2008 at 12:13:32 PM
     Humor within the human co... by mikel paul on Monday, Oct 13, 2008 at 6:40:31 PM
Now I understand perfectly.... by Mary Pitt on Monday, Oct 13, 2008 at 7:22:09 PM