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Governor Vaginal Probe or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Stupid Laws

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I've been steamed for quite awhile about the just plain mean move by our Texas legislators to force women who want to have an abortion to see a sonogram of the fetus, listen to its heartbeat, and give all their spare change to the Rick Perry Rent-a-Mansion Fund.

Well, the last part is made up, but not by much. Our illustrious governor and not-ready-for-primetime former Presidential candidate declared this Be-a-Jerk-to-Pregnant-Women Bill an emergency despite Texas being in the midst of a several billion dollar shortfall. I wonder what a comedy troupe like Monty Python could do with this blatant example of government fiat and idiocy . . .

"You can have an abortion if you jump ten steps backward while saying yahoo, yahoo, Texas," declares the Head of the Implementation of Asinine Laws.

"I don't feel like it," says our damsel in distress.

"Well, you should have thought about that before you engaged in sexual congress, you sluttish trollop," answers the head job.

"Why doesn't the guy who got me in this condition have to do anything?" the woman reasonably asks.

"Oh, that's silly," the assistant to the head of the implementation of stupid laws, who bears a remarkable resemblance to a young Eric Idle, says, "he's not the one wanting an abortion, is he now, huh, huh, huh?"

Seeing that there is no arguing, the poor woman finally relents, "Oh, okay, I'll do it."

" Wait," the Eric Idle look-alike says, "between each yahoo say "Obama was born in Kenya.'"

" Really?" the woman asks.

" Really," he says, "and do it with enthusiasm."

Then the woman begins to jump backwards, while saying with as much enthusiasm as she can muster, "Yahoo, yahoo, Texas. Obama was born in Kenya."

After she goes five steps back, the head job squeals, "You didn't say "Mother may I.' You have to start all over again."

But there's another way to see this abomination of the legislative process. As my grandmother used to say, what's good for the goose is also good for the gander, or was it a rolling stone gathers no moss. I don't know. Anyway, turnabout is fair play. If and when Texans return to sanity and stop sending Know Nothings, birthers, and assorted wing-nuts to Austin, sane people could be in control, and they could do unto the self-righteous rednecks as they have done to us.

For example, if a governor pushes for billions of dollars to be cut from education, he would have to teach for one week in an inner city middle school. MIDDLE SCHOOL, BWA, HA, HA, HA! Yes, teach forty middle school kids in the midst of hormonal tsunamis all crowded into one small classroom without air conditioning. Oh, especially after lunch. And he'd have to be videotaped, and get no help from assistants or any "non-essential" school employees and no security detail. I bet he wouldn't last a day.

But why stop there? Any governor who would cut Medicaid would have to spend a week at a public hospital emptying bed pans and taking blood pressure, holding the hands of those who were dying and comforting the grieving loved ones. Then he'd have to look in the eyes of a mother whose child will die without medical care and tell that mother, "Sorry, we can afford to help the super rich, but we can't help your son."

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http://kwheatcroft.blogspot.com/

I blog at "Left-Wing Tex" from beautiful Fort Worth, Texas. For the past 18 years my wife and I have called it home. Here I am a retired English-as-a-Second Language teacher. I have had poems published in a number of venues, (more...)
 

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Our illustrious governor and not-ready-for-... by Ken Wheatcroft-Pardue on Thursday, Mar 22, 2012 at 4:26:02 AM