 |
|
Add to My Group
|
January 12, 2009 at 00:33:07
Promoted to Headline (H2) on 1/12/09: by Doug Wallace Page 1 of 2 page(s) |
|
 
|
1
1
1
The first time I heard the “F' word was in an elementary school called Stella Magladry in Eugene, Oregon about 1939. Funny thing ,since I was about ten years old at the time and was fairly close to my father, anEnglish converted Mormon who found other forms of expletive such as, “Go Blind old Kate,”,etc, when ever he hit his finger with a hammer or was frustrated because some work he was doing didn't fit together.. I had never heard the “F” word from him. What I had heard came from the younger brother of a school class mate. Playing the all presumptive “older” knowing role, I said, “WOW", not really knowing what he was talking about when he said, “Johnny Bench f.....d Mary Peeples!”** The kids were probably eight or nine at the time and unlikely to be involved in any sex beyond curiosity. However, the kids' school grapevine was buzzing with the story that day . (** names changed) So, looking for some enlightenment, when I got home from school that afternoon, I blithely told my mother in the presence of two older sisters that “Johnny Bench F.....d' Mary Peoples!!!” With a kind of weird look on her face she asked me, “What did you just say?”. So I began to repeat the story, “Johnny Bench F..!!!!” I couldn't finish the statement because a hand went over my mouth with an admonition, “Quiet ;your father will talk to you about this this evening.” Fearing I had entered into some forbidden territory (I'd been there before), I wasn't particularly interested in having my mouth washed with soap or a razor strap applied to my posterior, so it was with some apprehension whenafter dinner, dad asked me to go into the future living room with him ( He was was still finishing the house we lived in. ) 
Perhaps not knowing how to grasp the situation, he started up the table saw and cut a couple of boards.
Turning the saw off he looked at me with the statement, “ Your Mother.........” Then he asked me, “Do you know what the word ' F....k ' means? How could I? It was never a topic of discussion in this socially retarded Mormon home of six children. Socializing with non-Mormon “gentiles” was frowned on, as that group could lead good Mormon kids astray into the pit of damnation and darkness. So all of us from my oldest sister to my younger brother were “protected” and socially ignorant (with feelings of inferiority) for most of our younger lives.
The best that my dad could do was to ask me the question if I remembered seeing one dog humping on the rear end of another dog? “Well that is 'F.......G' he told me and that is how they make babies”.I then had a quick vision of Mary Peeples on all fours being humped on her rear side by Johnny Bench. The picture didn't explain a lot,;in fact more questions were raised than answered. However I was counseled to stay away from kids or groups who talked about or did such things and to remain pure and clean to please God. When I would be older and the time right andappropriate, I would understand .
Afterwards my next older sister, asked me about the interview with dad as she had been in the kitchen when Mother slapped her hand over my mouth. I told her that “F......G” was when one dog was on top of another humping to make babies. “OH?” she answered! The display of innocent ignorance ( real or feigned) on the faces of the family offspring had a lot to do with Mormon concepts about sexuality.
Oh yes, I had attended some birthday parties where the game of Post Office was played and I recall the arousal that happened in my pants but for sure God was watching and I better not let on so when my turn came I picked the cutest girl and departed with her to the post office room to deliver the stamps. I wanted to do something more than just plant a kiss but didn't know what. One time I remember a girl screaming as I held to kissher. Returning to the group present, I am sure some serious questions were on the minds of other kids. Also about this time just sitting behind a pretty girl in the class room caused that same swelling in my pants.
Then a few years later I discovered the most pleasant feeling when I shimmied up a tree. Shimmying up trees became one of my most secret past times. I probably wore the bark off a dozen or so of them! (Just kidding!) But I couldn't talk to anybody about it because God would be angry with me and I might go blind or something. I learned from that addicting experience that from time to time those same feelings could be induced without shimmying trees! But oh God that was a sin according to church teachings because it was for carnal pleasure! My Sins were stacking up on me!
I remember one day in High school 10th year biology class when the teacher, Mr. Ott, had two stacks of books setting on a table. One was for girls to read and the other was for boys. We were given one to take home and read and turn back in the next day. My book of course discussed the anatomy of a girl's body and I am sure the opposite for the girl's book. It was interesting but it didn't discuss humping! And there was total silence from the teacher after we'd turned the books back in. That was our sex education class!
As I grew older and took a girl on a date, I remember how painful it was to neck and not be able to do something else that seemed to be needed to be done. You'd drive home and get the relief you needed in the bath room. God, please forgive me! If you were lucky, sometimes it just happened like a wet dream in your pants while holding her. Did your girlfriend know that it happened and what would she think?
“Sining” was the only thing you could do since God forbade doing what came naturally and that was reserved for a time in the future when you'd get married and then it would be okay just a long as you were sure it was for making babies!
Do you masturbate? That was the question that came out of the mouth of one of the Mormon Apostles who interviewed me for a church mission just shortly after my 20th birthday. Knowing the attitude of the church about “self abuse”, as it is called, I took the fifth. Besides, the word was not in the vocabulary of a good Mormon boy. This was the first (not last) time I learned that the Apostles were not too well connected with the Lord !
Later, in the UK mission field, a bunch of Elders (as we were called) were together B-S'ing about things and the issue of masturbation came up. An Elder Ashworth as I recall, got the whole group into laughter when he said his response to the question was, “Doesn't everybody?” Still no one confessed as it was/is a deeply closeted sin and embarrassment would prevent confessing it in the absence of others also confessing. That they would do so was far too risky so the group was in denial for valid reasons. Most people addicted to something evil or sinful are in constant denial!
Regular lessons are given to church youth (girls and boys) on the subject of mastrbation by girl's counselors and elders who liken masturbating to the animal conduct of a monkey in a zoo cage observed playing with itself . So the drive/need for sexual self fulfillment goes into the closet where it becomes the innermost secret that only God knows if he sees in secret.
1 | 2
Retired Designer-Builder formerly practicing Attorney at Law.
Credentials include ordaining a Black man to priesthood in the LDS Church leading to a public struggle with the church yielding and ordaining Black men about 2 years (more...)
The views expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of the author
and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.
 Contact Author |
Contact Editor |
 View Authors' Articles |
|
| 15 comments |
|
Sometimes a protection racket is just a con.
If you protect people from the dangers of masturbation, you protect them from nothing. It is a perfect con job. by John Hanks (1 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 1760 comments [39 recommended, 0 rejected]) on Monday, Jan 12, 2009 at 12:13:50 PM  (0+)
|
|
A young teenager's father came in his room...
one day, to inform him that masturbation would cause him to go blind. "Dad, Dad!," he replied. "I'm over here!" by Daniel Geery (26 articles, 95 quicklinks, 126 diaries, 912 comments [27 recommended, 0 rejected]) on Monday, Jan 12, 2009 at 2:53:20 PM (0+)
|
|
I'm a Disciple of George Carlin
So, what's distracting about this well-written and very inciteful article is the fact that the writer cannot or will not write out the word "f u c k" or forms of it when using it. My belief is that you use the word in full or you don't use it at all. No doubt, OpEdNews has some censor bots at work that will make sure only the 'f' and 'ck' are read by readers when you really type "f*ck". I have put spaces between all four letters so the word can be read as the first man (or woman) who uttered it intended it to be read. OpEdNews should practice full censorship and just ask people to not use profanity at all or choose to stop appeasing the easily offended and allow four-letter words to appear in tact in any article or diary that is posted. by Kevin Gosztola (302 articles, 146 quicklinks, 81 diaries, 1082 comments [77 recommended, 0 rejected]) on Monday, Jan 12, 2009 at 5:42:00 PM (0+)
|
|
Reply: Kevin, kevin
Do you really believe that sp out a word that everyone is quite familar with makes any difference? Doug comes form a generation, like I do, that we simply chose not to sp the word out that does not mean we are ashamed of anything. In my case, I have been married 4 times and as a single handed sailor there have been a number of ladies I have been fortunate to know. In "Islands in the Stream", Hemmingway told his children that he knew boys talked that way when they were alone, but they did not talk that way around adults. Common civility is not a bad thing nor is an outrageous position, a good thing. by virginius "gin" arnold (18 articles, 7 quicklinks, 47 diaries, 516 comments [22 recommended, 0 rejected]) on Monday, Jan 12, 2009 at 9:35:21 PM (0+)
|
|
Reply: I don't think you understand
The "F" word taboo is going to be a thing of the past in 20-30 years. Every other lady I know uses it. So, that quashes your civility for the ladies notion. It has its uses in and out of public. But, my generation knows it is silly to further continue to let the Nanny State tell us what words people can and cannot say in public. by Kevin Gosztola (302 articles, 146 quicklinks, 81 diaries, 1082 comments [77 recommended, 0 rejected]) on Tuesday, Jan 13, 2009 at 7:05:55 AM (0+)
|
|
"Mommy...
... can I just do it until I need glasses...?" by Michael McCoy (7 articles, 1 quicklinks, 2 diaries, 487 comments [26 recommended, 0 rejected]) on Monday, Jan 12, 2009 at 6:05:16 PM (0+)
|
|
Sex for tension!
As a Catholic, I wasn't sure what I was reading there and thought I'd misread Mormon instead of Catholic. Very well written and thank you. Since sex ed wasn't even on the curriculum when I went, I made sure my kids had all the info from the time they were 2, starting with the words condoms, birth control an AIDS, something I dealt with daily in my job...no judgement, just tears in the early 80's. I had zero sex ed and so did all I went to school with. We had many STD's then but it wasn't talked about but then neither were back ally abortions. I told my kids it was okay to masterbate and an "idiot" (let you guess which church) fliipped in the newspaper that masterbation leads to being gay and that it was being taught in schools that it was okay. He got every fired up and they believed this crap. So, I went and got books age appropriate with pictures for my kids. My husband had run off on us so my son was embarrassed. The books helped him a great deal as I made them read each others books so my daughter would know too. Why must everything be a sin??? I remembered the first time my daughter came home from a Mormon picnic yelling the fact that so and so "humped" so and so. I flipped as I hate that word and told her to never use that word again, say f@#k and not to repeat stuff like that about anyone to others. Then had to explain the difference, in my opionion, on hump, f@#k and making love, whys, reason etc. No didn't play the overload thing, just made the main statement and took questions. My son listened, asked nothing as he was too young to comprehend. Both are open with sex with me and will ask a question once in awhile and they are in their 30's. However, now I have to deal with my grand kids and their use of the word hump at the age of 4!!!! They are not getting any sex education from either of my kids. Go figure, huh? Thank you for writing about an important non sin by sandy valencour (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 38 comments [11 recommended, 0 rejected]) on Monday, Jan 12, 2009 at 7:46:03 PM (0+)
|
|
A damn fine piece of writing
Doug, I can really relate but more importantly that is a very good piece of writing. A fine use of language that is worthy of the "great ones". Thanks by virginius "gin" arnold (18 articles, 7 quicklinks, 47 diaries, 516 comments [22 recommended, 0 rejected]) on Monday, Jan 12, 2009 at 9:39:18 PM (0+)
|
|
Writing
Writing, so little of it is honest and too the point. I could write a book in response to your post, mostly on the subject of religion. Some of us learn about the real world sometime in our life. There is Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and George W. Bush honest government. When I was in the former USSR, the word for the main newspaper was “Truth”, those who went up to newsstands, could be heard saying in Russian, “Give me copy, lies”. At least some of them were smart enough to know what they were really getting. I don’t believe in Communism, and I don’t believe in the get rich scheme for the Elitists in the US, either. So, as far as I’m concerned I’m not going to listen to a bunch of windbags that come off as George W. Bush style government and organized religion on any subject, and then take it as “Gospel”. by Steven G. Erickson (8 articles, 0 quicklinks, 57 diaries, 218 comments [3 recommended, 0 rejected]) on Tuesday, Jan 13, 2009 at 12:40:45 AM (0+)
|
|
"Love thy neighbor as they self"
Or as the late Rodney Dangerfield commented: "What am I supposed to do; jerk him too?" by Patrick (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 519 comments [22 recommended, 0 rejected]) on Tuesday, Jan 13, 2009 at 12:59:46 AM (0+)
|
|
Expose on Gordon B. Hinckley?
I'm a former Mormon, too. So what's this about an expose on Hinckley? How did I miss it? I thought I knew just about all the dirt on the Mormons there was to know. Can you fill me in? Excellent article, by the way. I understand completely, but from a female point of view. by Alice Fuller (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 1 comments) on Tuesday, Jan 13, 2009 at 2:59:41 AM (0+)
|
|
Mormons and masturbation...
they go hand in hand, don't they? by Levon (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 36 comments) on Tuesday, Jan 13, 2009 at 8:43:25 AM (0+)
|
|
It is all about control
Curiously their demand that sex only be for reproduction is very animalistic of them. Though both dolphins and banobos have sex for reasons other than utilitarian functionality of procreation. They preach we are not only above the animals but a wide chasum separates us from them being a "special creation of God's." So even their own theosophy is inconsistent but then they hold many impossible and contradictory things in their brains. Just like the Red Queen in "Alice Through The Looking Glass." Also ironic that if they would promote masturbation and the techniques on how to have fun with your self it would lessen the problems of sexual intercourse and its concomitant problems. by nightgaunt (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 448 comments [27 recommended, 0 rejected]) on Tuesday, Jan 13, 2009 at 1:41:16 PM (0+)
|
|
My comment is new post
I decided to write [this] here on OpEd after reading your post. You definitely have a talent for writing. I’ll be checking out more of your posts. by Steven G. Erickson (8 articles, 0 quicklinks, 57 diaries, 218 comments [3 recommended, 0 rejected]) on Tuesday, Jan 13, 2009 at 7:32:30 PM (0+)
|
|
I'm not a fan of masturbation, personally.
Which is why I have a boyfriend. by David Basora (7 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 52 comments) on Friday, Jan 16, 2009 at 10:28:46 AM (0+)
|
Want to post your own comment on this Article? 
|
||||
|
||||||||||||||
News (0) 
Touching (0) 
Funny (0) 
Supported (0) 
Interesting (0) 
Inspiring (0)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tell a Friend:
|
Copyright © 2002-2009, OpEdNews |
