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BECKWATCH: On Rick Perry - An Homage To Molly Ivins

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Molly Ivins by Andrew Garib

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention." Molly Ivins

Research topic: The Articles Of Confederation

I love Texas with all my heart. I am a Texan through and through. I'm even one of the very rare Texans who has lived in Lubbock and Beaumont and attended both iconic Texas universities -- Texas A&M and The University of Texas. I play golf and attend Eeyore's Birthday bash. So, when I say that my Governor Rick Perry has either been body snatched by Glenn Beck or he has, sadly, pandered to Glenn to pay back a political favor -- I do so with a very heavy heart.


Texas Governor Rick Perry's campaign stopat Skeeter's Mesquite Grill, Kingwood,T by accent on eclectic

In the spirit of the late Molly Ivins, I will now employ biting, devastating satire and sarcasm to characterize Governor Perry: If a hair-do was "...having appointed every important pol...or... (here I'm struggling to find a simile* one that works with Perry, omitting like and as, of course) -- unfortunately I'm a very poor imitator. So, I'll do what I do best: make comparisons and cast aspersions.

Is Rick Perry a panderer? No, he certainly doesn't fit any of the definitions, e.g., "someone who procures customers for whores." In fact I have been using this word a lot and I'm going to stop -- the definitions are filthy. I'm going to switch to brownnose. Is Rick Perry a brownnoser? I think so.

Why? Well, last February Glenn Beck and his sidekick, who it has been rumored worked for Howard Stern in the past (but that's another story), on his radio show, accused Gov. Perry of being a progressive -- this is the worst thing Glenn can say about anybody. Debra Medina, a nurse from Beeville, maybe a 9/11 truther, a Tea Partier and a candidate in the recent Texas Republican Gubernatorial primary was possibly poised to kick both Kay Bailey Hutchinson's and Rick Perry's asses. However, Glenn invited Debra to be on his radio program and I'm sure she was elated; this was going to be the coup de gras to Perry's campaign.

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Amazingly, Glenn pushed her for an answer on her feelings about the 9/11 conspiracy theories, she gave the wrong answer and Glenn and his cohorts chortled and snickered like middle school boys that had just called the local butcher shop and inquired if they "have frog legs" -- "put your pants on and nobody will notice." Yeah, there was a coup de gras but it was Debbie with her spinning head in her hands. My goodness, why would Glenn do this**? Why would he enable the "progressive"? He "hates" Woodrow Wilson but not Rick Perry -- why? Your guess is as good as mine, "Who can fathom the unstable mind?" I can't remember who said that.

This past April, Gov. Perry appeared at a rally in Tyler with Glenn Beck and presented him with a proclamation designating him an honorary Texan. Myself and some associates, finding out about this, are considering a secession (Gov. Perry has toyed with the notion of Texas seceding from the Union) of our own. We are possibly going to secede and form El Nuevo Estado de Coahuila y Tejas sin Glenn Beck ( the New State of Coahuila and Texas without Glenn Beck) .

You know, this raises another interesting question: would a secessionist make a good President? I'm not sure; let's take a look at history -- whom would you have rather had: Jefferson Davis or Abraham Lincoln? Oh well, back to Tyler and it's ramifications...Bill White is sweeping his driveway.


Kinky Friedman by Robotclaw666

Glenn has done it again, he has managed to draw in another unsuspecting politician, well, two actually, and slime them. I will never look at my Governor in the same way. This makes me swell with even more pride for my 2006 vote for Kinky Friedman. A Texan with thoughts like, "there's something wrong with the beaver, Wally, Wally", or, "They don't make Jews like Jesus anymore" is, and always will be my man. A "Kinky" is better than a "berry***" any day.

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Sorry Molly, I didn't do a very good job. We sure miss you. And man do we need you now.


Molly Ivins by Andrew Garib

*Molly, former Ft. Worth Star columnist and author, wrote a great book; Shrub: The Short But Happy Political Life Of George W. Bush

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Kevin is (writing about yourself in the third person (illeism) is a trip) an artist/writer/carpenter and frustrated songwriter living in Johnson City, Texas. His latest frustrating songwriting attempt is titled, "I Touched the Hand That Touched (more...)
 

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