If the American Revolution happened
Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, fat drug-addicted blowhard Rush Limbaugh, et al. and everyone at Fox, CNN, and the rest of the mainstream not-even-close-to-liberal media would argue against the divisive and treasonous words of Liberty and Democracy uttered by George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and pervert Ben Franklin (he makes off-color comments, uses profanity, had mistresses and has admitted to consorting with paid prostitutes!) and the rest of the Founders of our Great Nation.
The Founding Fathers would all be vilified as TRAITORS to the lawful authority of King George III, the rightful and only authority in the land anointed to the Throne by God Himself, whose authority no man should question and whose actions and dictates are above the law, as it is today with the actions of the top 1% of wealth-holders in America and their Constitutionally-protected Corporate-Persons.
Paul Revere would be tried and prosecuted for alerting "terrorists" of the coming of the Redcoats and thereby endangering the lives of England's patriotic troops exercising their lawful orders to kill or capture all traitors and terrorists.
Benedict Arnold would be considered a hero that came to his senses, kind of like DICK Morris who was a Democrat when it was profitable and then became a right-wing lie-spewer when that became more profitable for his reverse coffee-hole-running rhetorical nonsense.
Patrick Henry would be considered a pie-hole-running liberal for daring to speak the words, "Give me Liberty or give me Death!" in defiance of the King and his lawful government and would deserve no more of a mention in history than does a rabble-rouser like Martin Luther King Jr.
Nathan Hale would not even be a footnote in history. He would have been captured and quietly executed. His famously attributed line prior to his execution for espionage, "I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country" would be an unknown utterance lost for all time.
And lastly, there would be no argument over "gay" or "straight" in our society or military because we'd be speaking with British accents and few things are gayer than a British accent, not to mention that our army would be dressed in very stylish red coats. Okay, maybe the last one was uncalled for, but everyone knows the rest are true and accurate.