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How Far Will Reality TV Go?

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"Good for you, Tanya. Thanks for joining us, Hiram."

"My pleasure, Tom."

"And our third psychic, Don?"

"All the way from Romania, a woman who can trace her lineage back to Hungarian and Romanian royalty, including Draco the Impaler, Poland's first dog catcher, and the inventor of goulash, and who is part gypsy but which part she won't say... (big laughs from the audience) ...let's have a rousing You Lose! hello for Schmera Czarnukaluf."

"Welcome, Schmera. How was your flight over?"

"It vud have been bedda if it vuz first class."

"Well let's see how tonight goes and maybe we can arrange that next time. Right now we're going to ask our panelists to write on a three by five card the winner of tonight's contest and then the method of termination the winner will choose for the loser. All right, panel?"

"OK, Tom."

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"Will do."

"Vatever."

(fifteen seconds of goofy background music)

"Now our charming hostess with the leastess in a teeny weenie mini bikini, Cyndi Cinder - and she is hot - will collect the cards and hold them in her bikini bottom for safekeeping until the end of the program. Don't let anyone get in there Cyndi - oh, ho, ho."

(snickers, whistles, and hoots from the audience)

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(Cyndi blows Tom a kiss)

"And now it's time to get to it. Both of our contestants have had pre-match checkups by our physician on duty Dr. Raymond Blathersby and they're both in peak condition, correct, Doctor?"

"They're in the pink, Tom."

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Leni Matlin was born in NYC and attended Brooklyn College before moving to California in his twenties. For the better part of his adult life, he has worked as a musician (keyboards / vocals) and played in more bands then he can remember, while (more...)
 

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