Mark Morford -- How to rule the world for five minutes

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By far the best and most delightful, time-tested method by which you can get yourself some international attention -- and easily my personal favorite, if for no other reason than you can make the entire thing up from scratch, usually while naked and delirious and at least partially drunk -- is to proclaim, calmly and clearly and without a hint of irony, the imminent end of the world.

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